Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I Survived A Japanese Game Show: Episode 3




When we last met our contestants, people played crane games, fish ate feet, and Darcy defeated Olga. Tensions flared. I’m still stuck with the phrase “Where’s the pole?” from that never been kissed Alaskan contestant Ariel on Wipeout. I felt worse for the guy who finished that last obstacle course slower than her. But we’re here to discuss Japan.

The contestants welcome back Darcy. Donnell used the term “off the meat rack”. I must be old, I have no clue what that means. What if Darcy was vegan? Wait. She definitely would not be close to the meat rack. Darcy claims that she could fight. That’s why she’s still here.

Mama-san comes in to help with traditional tea consumption. The tea is “gritty”. Everyone makes funny faces. Apparently straight Justin misses his Sweet Tea. Not being from the south, the closest I’ve been in a while to Sweet Tea is Arizona’s and that was quite sweet.

I have a feeling that the yellow penguins have a power advantage over the green monkeys. Having two guys, or a strong guy and Justin, they may hold the lead for a short time.

Everyone, Majide!

Hello, Mary from California. Thank you for your dance. She is the representation of California for these Japanese people. We have our main competition “Pedal Fast or Big Splash”. I love the little animations that explain the game. I love the little voice that went “oh no!” and gurgled. The penguins pick Cathy, Darcy is chosen for the monkeys. Judge Bob tells us that the yellow penguins are first.

The Boys are pedaling. Cathy gets stuck on the bike. And falls with only five seconds in the red zone. Belinda is next. Wait a second, I thought that only one person was biking. I guess they meant that Darcy and Cathy were going first.

Commercials. I knew it; Ziploc is made for that smart Asian family. Target Audiences I guess.

Majide! Belinda uses the term Bananas. So 2005. They pedal and Belinda stays for a good 10 seconds, she pulls out of the zone, but continues to do well. They say, “Every second counts”. Especially in bed. Another 23 seconds pass before she falls out of the zone. She eventually falls in and uses one of my favorite oxymorons, describing “cold” with “hell”. Cathy is worried and crosses her fingers.

Green team is up. Meaghan is only in the zone for 3 seconds before she pulls ahead. Whatever her technique was, it wasn’t bad. She stays in for a good time until she fell back when the conveyor picked up speed. “The water smells good,” she claims. Yeah, probably like fresh new plastic/foam toys. I like that smell.

More commercials. I wanna play extreme golf. Or just drive around in carts past old ladies. I’m easily amused.

Darcy is up next. She only needs 18 seconds. Darcy starts, Mary screams too much, Darcy hugs the side of the conveyor belt and it becomes her downfall. They bring out the Penguin team and Judge Bob relays the results: Yellow Penguins 38 Seconds, Green Monkeys 34 Seconds. Belinda must have really saved the day. And the big prize, Fish Market tour! The punishment? Rice planting! I thought many rice producers changed to other plants due to the increase of ethanol. I guess there’s that one rice farm that didn’t switch and now gets good profit from rice.

The green team already is thinking about elimination. Darcy tries to convince the viewers that she didn’t do bad. It’s on tape. Don’t deny. Donnell gets a group discussion going with the Mary and Meaghan. Darcy is clearly going in. Meaghan towel volunteers herself wanting an exemption. Very credible. Put on some clothes. What is this, The Mole? Darcy is clearly gonna try to bring her A-game. Again. If she keeps going in, she’s bound to go home, unless she is related to RW/RR: Gauntlet Specialist Sarah.

VIP tour of Fish! Why does everyone sound so excited? I’ve been to fish markets. It smells like fish. And the fish is usually more fresh. Miss Swan, I mean Mama-san brings out outfits. And the team gets bussed over. I wish we would see the host more often. Mako-san gives us the tour. People attempt to run over the Americans. Don’t you have that funny feeling you could see an Amazing Race Detour here? Mary gets nervous that the Japanese are overfishing. A tentacle attacks her and her life-force is drained. Okay that last part didn’t happen, but I’m sure it was in an Anime.

The green team gets to plant rice. They have to plant in straight lines. Luckily Wipeout has prepped me for the high amount of mud I could tolerate on TV. People are sunken in. I doubt they really planted much. If I was the owner, I may just go back and straighten it out.

The fish monger’s have an auction. It looked more fun than Ebay. The rice farmer whistles too much. I like the Japanese conversion rate. Huge Tuna=Car. I wanna go to my local Audi and trade a big tuna for a car.

Everyone heads back to the studio to watch the elimination challenge. Darcy is pissed. Again. We see the host for a second. Immunity is revoked from Meaghan. I think Donnell is afraid of these ladies. The girls are placed in large Velcro suits, called sticky suits. The crowd makes the ooh noise after Meaghan volunteered herself. I want an audience following me on a day to day basis.

The elimination challenge is called You Look Funny Stuck on a Wall, something I’m pretty sure I remember on Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. Luckily the girls don’t have huge jaws. Meaghan is first. I like when the host says “booty”. Meaghan aces her first jump. Darcy is a little closer to the bottom, but Judge Bob favors Meaghan. The girls are ripped off. Darcy jumps next and is low again. Meaghan, although her feet are not really in, does better. We leave our contestants on the wall over the break.

I like round three’s pose. I really wish it was first to five, then we would get those human Tetris poses. Meaghan does a good job, quickly shifting her right leg a little right after jumping. Darcy messes up the pose and she loses. They leave her on the wall for a little more death. The suited clan drags her out. I hope to see a guy get dragged out soon just to see how strong those suited members are.

With the Incredible Hulk-esque goodbye music playing, they played Darcy-montage Darcy was “true to herself.” I love how they put Velcro sounds when she walked away.

Next week. Babies! And Bitching!

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WARNING: Big Brother Spoilers!

We watch the current season of Big Brother on CBS, Big Brother After Dark, and the Feeds. We watch all Big Brother 18 coverage and DVR it and watch it again. There will be posts about things we have seen from watching Big Brother 24/7. If you are a casual viewer of the CBS show-only or do not want to read any spoilers, do not read our posts dealing with After Dark and the Live Feeds.