Last Night: Cha-Chas. Foxtrots. Cursing, Injuries, Usage of the words “Slut” and “Tits”. Somewhere in the background Brooke Burke had the lead. Jeffery Ross was happy he had 12 points.Tonight the dresses are worse, including a questionable dress from Samantha. They also have the results show going similarly to Nashville Star.
Lance & Lacey are called first. They say some young things. Lacey says silly things like, “peeing dog”, “Gingerbread man”, and “dramatic squirrel”…I mean Prairie Dog. As they dance, I feel as though with a quick step they are off beat. I blame the producers giving them weirdly paced music. Lacey really has to get the orange scrubbed off of her. Len said the movement was good, but the posture/pose wasn’t good. Bruno calls them “fresh” and “dynamic”. Carrie Ann is entertained, but not impressed. As they go to the back and get interviewed the two act so kiddy and friendly it’s weird. Maybe it was Lance’s slip and saying “Peeing on the dog”. I’m sure it’s something he experimented during his *nsync tour bus days. The scores are a 7, 6, and 8. Exactly the same score as last night and in the same way by the judges. The only way that Lance can really lose is by Len giving bad scores.
Misty-May is the next safe person. They have the Mambo and Misty is learning about having hips. Maks compares her legs with Stacie Kiebler. Poor Misty-May got the cut version of Daniel’s drag dress from Project Runway. I think overall, Misty did well, you could still see stress on her face. And the fact of the matter was that it was 70% Misty-May the whole time. Carrie Ann points out the strength, and she uses the word “Fierce”. Ugh, I guess the time between me predicting the word “Fierce” being used was one day. Len loves her performance skills; she needs more arms. Bruno points out the power, but she needs to lower the shoulders. The scores are three 7s.
Paz's photoshop interpretation of what Misty-May was wearing
Our next safe team is Maurice & Cheryl. Their mambo is quite helpful for Maurice and having Cheryl become a drill sergeant is a plus as well. They are decked out in gold and I got to admit, the song really doesn’t fit a mambo in my book. The dance really doesn’t look like a mambo to me. It’s like a sporadic dance you see at weddings. But a handful of people give him a standing applause. Bruno points out the party thing. Carrie Ann points out good transitions and musicality. Len doesn’t like the “free willy” worm. I love those stock answers “Oh, everyone is intimidating”. The scores are three 7’s. The third 21 in a row.
Brooke & Derrick are next. She maintained her “best dance of the night” status last night. The quickstep is a challenge of having her boobies press against him. She uses a baby in practice. Aww, that’s going to be one cute kid. As they dance they do a little bit of a mashed potato, and their posture doesn’t seem too bad. Len still calls it “best dance so far”. Bruno is blown away. Carrie Ann also agrees, she thinks this night is better than last. The scores are 9,8, and 9. A mind blowing 26 on Week 1. A point away from Kristi.
Cloris & Corky dazzled with their dancing and slap-stick. Cloris is apparently older than the Mambo. I love watching geriatrics booty shake. Haha. Coconut double entendre. The two old contestants make a lot of sexual moves and I never wanted to imagine my grandmother doing things like this, but it’s so playful I forget that she’s 82. They get a standing O. Carrie Ann used the term “grab crotchy” and liked the entertaining value. Len applauds Corky’s teaching ability. Bruno says something a little mumbly, and Cloris wants him to speak English. Oh, never get rid of Cloris. There’s only one other comedian now who I want on this show. John Cleese. The scores are 6,5, and 5. As Carrie Ann throws out her paddle, Cloris calls her a Bitch under her breath. Cloris begs the audience, amazing.
Toni & Alec are happy to be next. With the Quickstep, Toni can’t breathe correctly. Surprising for a singer. I guess Toni is the most likely to faint tonight. The dance pretty well, though you could see at one shot she had to intentionally breathe. Toni achieves a correct Death Spiral as her leg stays on the ground. Bruno points out tightening up the shoulders. Carrie Ann pointed out the glaze of nervousness, but likes the chemistry and movement. Len liked the whole thing, but pointed out a quirky movement and awkward head positioning. The scores are 8, 7, and 8. A solid 23. Am I the only one who thinks that it’s ironic that Toni Braxton sang “Breathe Again” and can't breathe?
The next safe group is Warren & Kym. Warren oafs around in the little video. And he sweats a storm. He again is quite light on his toes. The use the stage amazingly going in circles, going to the middle, and then doing more circles. Kym does this really nifty slide-jump pose at the end. Len liked the entertainment factor, didn’t like the technique. Bruno calls it “tons of fun”. He also goes “beep beep”. Carrie Ann needs more clean footwork. In the interview I can’t help stare behind Warren and see Lacey and Maks make faces. Oh Lacey, you camera whore. The scores are two 7’s and an 8.
We’re given a short video of David Blaine hanging upside. He’s also going to catch a bullet, or get shot to death live on TV. It almost makes me want to watch, but I know if he dies it will be all over the internet.
The next couple safe is Ted and Inna. Ted calls the Mambo his dance. He works really hard in the clip show. As they dance I can’t help but realize how much easier it must be to be the guy. Except for when you drop a girl. The dance is quite entertaining. Carrie Ann points out the slight awkwardness in his movements. Len likes the hard work Ted shows. Bruno said something about Ted squeezing his Mambo. Ted needs to find the rhythm. Insert Generic Backstage interview here. The scores are two 6’s and a 7.
Five people are left and the next one called is Cody. Cody is really that stereotypical cute young boy, with highlights. Julienne wants him to be manly. He struggles with puberty. He’s quite suave though. Cody can get away with that smile. Now as I was gawking they danced a little bit and it seemed mostly clean to me. If it wasn’t clean, blame me for staring at Cody’s teeth. Bruno calls Cody Jiminy Cricket. Carrie Ann calls him going from a boy to a man. Len likes the control overall. The scores are, 8,7, and 8.
Rocco & Karina are safe. Phew. I was afraid we would be gone. He continues to make food analogies. Rocco unfortunately has no hips. Poor guy. Karina is still dancing with a ankle brace. The dancing is quite sexy, though you can see he still struggles with the hip parts. I coulda sworn he walked at one point right at the end. Len points out the improvement. Bruno uses the term “Italian Stallion”. Carrie Ann calls the performance “Super Sexy”. The scores are three 7’s. 21. 7 more than last night. Rocco DiSpirito for Mayor.
Susan & Toni are third to last. The quickstep is stressing out Susan, and she really pushes herself. She glides her way through the whole dance. It’s very floaty, and I’m pretty sure that’s what one looks for in a quickstep. She seems quite happy for herself. Carrie Ann is pleased by the improvement. Len points out how ballroom is better for Susan. Bruno calls her classy and the like. The scores are two 7’s and an 8. I guess having a day two works to break initial nervousness.
So it turns out that the couple with the lowest score is Jeffery and Edyta. Kim & Mark are safe for another week, but it would have been amazing to see Kim gone. Jeffery is happy being there, but feels bad that he was given Edyta. I would be too if I sucked that much.
Kim & Mark are last, suffering from “cold” remarks. Kim needs booty 101. I’m shocked that she doesn’t know how to use her booty. The montage became a rap music video in the end. I see why they kept her for last. Sir Mix-a-Lot? Haha. It’s good to see that she can laugh at herself. Unfortunately, she is still quite stiff. Then again, it looked like her booty has it’s own mind. Bruno is disappointed that Kim can’t use her assets correctly. Len thinks that she needs to act. Carrie Ann knows that standing on heels are hard and that Kim was working hard. The scores are three 6’s.
I will admit I like this year because each contestant really look like they want to be there and try. Maybe it’s because we saw the contestants actually improve in a day.
High:
Brooke – 26
Cody – 23
Warren – 22
Susan – 22
Middle:
Rocco – 21
Maurice – 21
Lance – 21
Misty-May – 21
Low:
Ted – 19
Kim – 18
Cloris – 16
Oh, I will be giving an abridged results show review since I’m also covering Top Model. And really, any excuse to not listen to the Jonas Brothers will be taken.
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