The Champions of Season 8 are .... SHAWN & MARK!

It’s 8 PM and LIVE!!! From Hollywood! It’s Dancing With the Stars!

Oh. Wait a minute. It’s not live, it’s a repeat from last night! Okay, that leaves me time to check out American Idol and the Wings/Blackhawks hockey game....

It’s 9 PM and now we’re LIVE!!!

We’re informed that the couples will be performing their favorite dances from the season for their final dance of the season and the judges’ scores only. Len says all the judges agree that this has been the best season yet and the three best dancers remain.

We get highlights from the first three weeks - Belinda Carlisle & Jonathan come out and dance, and so do Denise Richardson & Maks, and Holly Madison & Dmitri. They all pretty much still stink.

We see clips from Steve Wozniak & Katrina, and it reminds us that he’s probably the worst ever on this show - unless someone has any other nominees? I know Master P was pretty bad, but Woz gave him a major run for his money! Woz has been in the audience every week since he was kicked off (right where he belongs!) They "dare" him to do the Worm again - he can’t and the attempt is scary!

David Alan Grier and Kym dance their Viennese Waltz. After his acrimony when he left the show, I’m kinda surprised that he came back to dance. Steve-O dances with Lacey next - and we’re reminded of Steve-O’s shortcomings again. His smile is really infectious, though! Steve-O says if he had danced the dance like that the first time, the trophy just "might have been mine." David says that after having time to reflect, he made a lot of friends inlcuding the three judges "who keep texting me." Tom then deadpans that this show can make you delusional.

Now we get to find out which of the new pros - Anna or Mayo - gets to dance on next season’s show. Anna gets the job and thankfully, Len won’t be showing his bum in the supermarket!!! Tom introduces her dance with Maksim, saying "with her partner whom she tamed" and Maks has to waggle his finger at that. (Wonder what Karina thinks about that?) She managed to lose an earring during their dance, lucky neither of them stepped on it! Mayo is kind of an afterthought for Tom, who dismisses him without a lot of fanfare.

Lawrence Taylor & Edyta dance, and they introduce LT as the man "who almost forgot to say goodbye, he was racing off to the golf course." He looks like he’s having a whole lot of fun this time (probably because he knows this completes his commitment to the show). Tom asks Edyta what it’s like to have a partner that even she can’t make happy ... and Lawrence says "it’s called your husband." Samantha and Tom quickly move on to the "journey through Season 8."

Time to welcome back our "country singin’ couple," Chuck Wicks & Julianne. They’re dancing the Samba, and he’s very careful not to grab her boobs this time. Samantha tells Chuck he’s changed colors like a crayon (? She’s such a dork sometimes) and Chuck says he has a new respect for satin, silk, glitter and thongs.

And Bruno says, "If you can’t take the heat, get out of the ballroom."

Jeffrey Ross comes out to roast the three finalists. "Bergeron is an old French word, it means 'Seacrest'." And the three judges are "Smoking, Croaking and Flaming." He says "No stars made it to the Finals - what’s going on? This show isn’t called "Dancing With the Vaguely Familiar." Ross picks on almost everyone: Ty Murray did the "Brokeback Mambo." Woz is like a chunky chipmunk who ate Alvin and Theodore. Belinda Carlisle is dressed like a hooker from Battlestar Galactica. Every time the director yelled "action" Holly Madison started taking her clothes off. Lil’ Kim did the show for community service. The three stars left are "Underage, Unwed and Unpronounceable." Gilles didn’t have the largest role in Sex & the City but he "did have the biggest part." If Shawn wins, they’ll send her to Disneyland but she’s too short to ride Space Mountain. Jeff asks Melissa if she’ll marry him - and says wouldn’t it be something if she came in second on this show, too? (Gets a BIG groan).

Lil’ Kim and Derek dance their Jive, which starts off fun, but it looks like Kim forgot a chunk of it. Ty Murray & Chelsie recreate their Lindy Hop - and I see that Ty wasn’t really all that good, but man, he was a nice guy and loads of fun. He says that the youngest pro on the show "got a cowboy to the semi-finals."

We get a clip of the three stars trash-talking for the trophy, pretty funny when Gilles said "Melissa, here’s a rose. I’m taking the trophy."

The finalist couples are re-introduced and Shawn & Mark will dance first. We’re shown clips of her practices and judges’ comments. Shawn says she’s always been a competitor but now she’s learned to be a partner. Mark compliments her, saying she’s an "amazing person, and you’ve come so far." They dance the Cha Cha to the Michael Jackson song "PYT - Pretty Young Thing" and Shawn looks much more relaxed and fun about it. Len says the longer she goes, the stronger she gets. Len’s problem with Shawn has always been her lack of performance, but tonight she came out and nailed it. Bruno says Shawn is going from cute to saucy and sexy (and when you think about it, that’s kinda creepy). Carrie Ann says that "we all underestimated you" and Shawn deserves to be where she is. Their scores: 10-10-10=30. (Really, I think if any of the couples don’t get a 30 tonight, they will have screwed up pretty bad).

Melissa & Tony are up next. Tony says he got the ideal partner and had the best season he’s ever had. They’re dancing the Samba (their perfect 30 of the season). At the end of the dance at the judges’ table, this time Tony grabs Bruno and gives him a kiss on the head. Everyone is cracking up! Bruno says that Melissa’s Samba is "even more appetizing on the second helping." Carrie Ann says that Melissa is the like the muse of dancing and she’s brought out the best in Tony this season. Len says she has a great presence on the floor with style and elegance she mixes that with rhythm and performance. Backstage with Samantha, they talk about the fact that they’ve all become great friends and tonight it’s all about enjoying everyone’s dances and thanking the fans. Their scores: 10-10-10=30.

Gilles & Cheryl will dance and their clips show them getting misty about about their friendship, and that Gilles doesn’t want to stop dancing. They’ll dance the Argentine Tango again. It's as great as the first time, I see trip 10's again! Carrie Ann goes first, saying that Gilles is a very special performer with an artistry to his dances. Len says that Gilles has brought him the most pleasure to watch, and that Gilles took him back 50 years to a little smoky basement watching two couples dance. Bruno says it was not an Argentine Tango but an Argentine Triumph, where he plays each step like a performance. Gilles says Cheryl has done so much for him and his family, and he loves Cheryl, and Cheryl says he will always be a winner in her heart, no matter what happens. Of course, their scores: 10-10-10=30.

Lady Ga-Ga performs again while they tabulate the final numbers. I didn’t listen, sorry, just not interested. I want to get to the results already!!!!! (Besides, she’s scary to look at. Or is it a he? I’m just not sure to tell the truth).

The couple in third place is announced first: Melissa & Tony. Now I’m wondering if Shawn managed to pull this out?! Melissa is very good about her exit, saying her life has been great for the last 11 weeks and she’s had a blast.

Tom says that in 8 Seasons, this is the closest vote ever - less than 1% difference in votes. Who are the Champions? Does Cheryl pull through again or does the young’un get the Mirrorball? The winners are .... SHAWN & MARK!!!!!!! Mark is crying? Tom hands Shawn the trophy and tells her to put it with "all those medals." The youngest competitor is now the Champion! They are hoisted up onto Derek's and Chuck's shoulders to enjoy the confetti and the adoration. Gilles is very complimentary to Shawn in congratulating her. A surprise to many, but that's what happens when you involve a fickle public in choosing the winners!

Until next season, have a great summer!