Don't Know Who I Feel More Sorry For - Edyta or Tony?

Another week of stars, pro dancers, glitter, sequins ... how will our couples do? We'll find out .... LIVE!

To open the show, Tom teases that "had there been an elimination last week there would have been a huge upset." Hmmmm, sounds like our astronaut would have been saved. I wonder who would have gone home?

Shannen & Mark are up first with a Jive. After the judges’ comments last week Shannen is afraid and wants to “dumb down” their choreography. Mark refuses to, and pushes her to learn the steps. Shannen has to learn how to have more fun, because she’s dancing pretty good. You can see her screw up here and there, but all in all not too bad! Len tells Shannen that the Jive is fun, and she showed that - but there needs to be control too, and she has to work on it. Bruno tells her that her energy and performance level was better than last week. Carrie Ann said Mark was right about pushing her harder, she’s glad they didn’t go easier on the dance. Shannen has to work on her musicality though. Shannen is really happy running over to Brooke for their after-dance interview. Their scores: 7-6-7=20. Their total for both dances is 38. Shannen says “I gotta work on Len.”

Aiden & Edyta will dance a Fox Trot next. Aiden is getting frustrated having only four days to learn this new dance. Edyta seems to be getting really ticked off at Aiden, who tells her he’s really trying to learn the steps. She goes off to another room and slams the door, and Aiden chases her down where Edyta is upset and pouting. They hug and make up, and get to work again. Watching them dance, I think it’s a damn shame that Edyta is again stuck with a guy with two left feet. He’s such a hot guy too, he just cannot dance. He has absolutely no rhythm! Bruno says “I can see a glimmer of hope for Aiden.” He says that there were still some sticky moments but he liked the posture and moves. Carrie Ann tells Aiden “nice job.” She thinks last week Aiden was trying too hard, and this week was a more solid dance. Len thought it was economic in the movement, but Aiden’s footwork was much better, and there was an improvement. In the Celebraquarium, Edyta says she felt the pressure because they were in the bottom two after the judges’ scores last week. Don’t think they’ll get much higher: 7-6-6=19 and they have a total score of 34.

Evan & Anna look very 50's, ready to dance their Jive. They think that the judges were wrong about their chemistry, and figure the Jive will help with that because it’s a happy dance. He went back to his home town and at a dinner, asked everyone to put the couples’ voting phone number on their cell phones. Their dance is great - very peppy, they have great eye contact and bounce. Carrie Ann thinks that a Jive is hard for a guy with limbs like his, that “go all over.” (He does have long arms and legs). She thinks he made the connection to the audience and his partner, allowing his personality to come through. Len was happy because he thought that Evan overcame the tall-guy-can’t-do-Jive, although there was “something going on with your feet.” Evan said it was the pink socks. Bruno said he had a great connection, but “be careful not to go wobbly.” Tom quips that “that’s good advice for all of us.” Their scores: 8-8-8=24. Their total is 47 for both dances.

Niecy & Louis are dancing a Fox Trot. Niecy thinks it’s a bit more perky than it is. She was getting concerned about their communication because it seemed that everything Louis was telling her was getting crammed together and “sounding Chinese.” Louis tells her that he has to be her mirror, so when she looks at him she sees the truth. (*rolling eyes*) Niecy asks “when did I become a white man?” Louis explains that it has to be “smooth as butter” and Niecy says “now I can understand! You’re talking food!” She really is cute, and insists that she can be graceful as well. She’s looking pretty good in her ballroom outfit, and has her head tilted well, and yes, she looks graceful! Len said it had musicality, “a little sassy twist - which I like,” and compared to last week, a revelation. Bruno called her “light and frothy like a strawberry milk shake.” Carrie Ann asked “did I spot a lift?” and after Louis got the proper look of panic on his face, she said no - she loved it. She thinks that Niecy will need to go bigger next week, though, considering the competition this season. Their scores: 7-7-7=21, and gives them a 39 out of 60.

Jake and Chelsie are dancing a Jive, and hearing Chelsie explain it Jake, I understand his confusion: “just go front, side, back, then side, side, front back.” We see them practicing a spin move where Chelsie is supposed to go down into splits, and Jake has major trouble with it. He tells Chelsie she “may want to do something else” and she says no, she’s not going to change something she knows he can do. He says, “I’m not asking you, I’m more telling you.” They argue a little, and he gives in. Watching these Jives, I’m deciding that I’m very glad the short pants on guys went out of style - not too cute, seeing their socks and those goofy patent-leather loafers. Bruno looked at Jake and said his energy and determination are great, but he has to work on technique. Carrie Ann insisted that she thinks he did a lift. She did love the energy though. Len thought Jake coped very well, even though he was a little heavy on his feet. He hopes that Jake is not the one to go tomorrow night, because he has great potential. Their scores: 6-7-7=20, and gives them a 40 overall.

I’m also thinking that Brooke isn’t doing that great a job in Samantha’s place - Samantha was ditsy and said stupid things, and Brooke is pretty clunky during her ad-libs in the interviews. Hopefully she'll get more comfortable as she goes along - God forbid I should miss Samantha!

Buzz & Ashly are up next, and they will Fox Trot. Buzz asks Ashly to write the steps on a piece of paper and it helps him. His wife comes in to help during practice, and scares me yet again - that woman had some lousy ass plastic surgery! Their dance is absolutely pathetic - and while it’s okay if celebrities are old and trying to dance, and failing miserably, I feel somewhat bad seeing him walk around and thinking he’s dancing. He’s the first man on the moon, a national icon, and he’s embarrassing the shit out of himself. I really hope that he goes first so that I don’t have to witness this any more. Carrie Ann thinks there was an emotional tug to the dance - but the dancing part was a little “trepidacious” like he was afraid to step on Ashly. Len doesn’t want to criticize a legend, so he says that Buzz inspires people. Bruno has an astronomical discovery for Buzz - the man in the moon looks stuck in the Fox Trot, like he was “dodging craters.” Their scores mean they should go first, 4-4-4=12, giving them a 26 combined score.

Nicole and Derek were doing great learning the Jive, until the producers gave them a modern, contemporary song and they had to change a bunch of stuff in their dance. They’re adding a couple of things and Nicole says she doesn’t want to make Len mad, because “he scares me.” When the music starts, I can see why they were aggravated about the music. This is NOT a Jive tune! They’re doing a proper dance, but it seems a little disjointed with the music. Techinique is good, though. Len is ambivalent about the whole thing - he doesn’t like the boogaloo parts, but the Jive parts were very good. Bruno yells “it was phenomenal!” He’s never seen a Jive for the 21st century, done that good in the second week. Carrie Ann does a list - “great shoes, silver outfit, pony tail, modern - perfection!” With Brooke, Nicole says they shook their tail feathers to Rhianna. Brooke gets feisty and asks Derek who was more fun to dance with, she or Nicole. (Cute, but you can’t get away with that one, honey!) Their scores are KILLER! 10-8-10=28 and they have 53 for a total. (Great, now Derek will get an even bigger ego. He’s really beginning to annoy me, so full of himself. But he has to have a partner to get those 10's!)

Erin and Maks will dance a Fox Trot. Last week, Len called her a “funky monkey” - proving Bruno doesn’t have the corner on crazy, according to Tom. Maks tells Erin that the Fox Trot is the exact opposite of their Cha Cha. He will be a prince and she a princess, and she burps very princess-like. Erin is getting frustrated because Maks isn’t listening to her, and he’s wondering what happened that he is the calm one in the relationship. When their dance begins, Erin has a little solo and looks very delicate and pretty. Maks has certainly choreographed this dance very nicely. They hug at the judges’ table and Tom tells them to “break it up” but Erin is “adjusting” her wardrobe (meaning her top was slipping down a bit). Bruno says she has natural elegance, but to watch her arms. Tom cuts him off and goes to Carrie Ann, and Bruno freezes. She thinks it took lots of courage to do the solo at the beginning, and tells Erin not to hold Maks like she’s holding on for dear life. Erin then says “he said to hang on to his bicep, but I couldn’t find it, so I’m squeezing more.” Maks looks verklempt with that comment. Len thinks it flowed well and her posture was good, but her footwork wasn’t too clever. Len looks at all the video clips and says “there are three things you need to do with your pros - turn up, keep up, and shut up.” Hooboy, Maks will run with this one!!!! After the commercial we get their scores: 8-7-8=23, they have a 44 total for two dances. Tom laughs that Maks’ ego may not survive this season.

Pamela and Damien are up next. They will dance a Fox Trot and Damien tells her it’s a new dance and a new personality for her. She says that she wants to dance the whole dance with a glass of champagne in her hand. Damien says she’s doing well - Pam will be happy if she gets the steps down. She actually looks like she’s doing pretty good - Marilyn Monroe persona and all. She’s getting into character, that’s for sure! Tom laughs, saying “I don’t know what they’re (the judges) gonna say, but a busload of Kennedys just pulled up.” Carrie Ann says you have to be versatile on this show, and Pam has gone from character to character very well. Len says that Pam has been “tittivating” herself from last week. After a little back and forth, to which Len says “Google it, it means got smart” he’s able to continue. He says that Pam needs to work on her center, not on her bust. (I did Google it. All it gave me were results for “titillating.”) Bruno says it was a well-executed, delicious tribute to the original blonde bombshell - “and the dancing is good too.” He says she exudes so much sexuality that people forget about the dancing. Their scores, while Pam is still keeping the Marilyn persona, are 7-7-8=22, and their total is 43.

Chad & Cheryl will dance a Fox Trot. He’s saying that it requires him to be graceful, which he isn’t. Cheryl gets hard on him during training, but “it’s because she loves me. How could she not?” He’s a big flirt, and they’re giggling a lot - so Cheryl tells him if he can dance the whole dance without sticking his butt out, she’ll give him a kiss. Chad is excited, that when he does good, “she gives me a kiss!” It looks as if he messes up right off the bat, moving in the wrong direction. It’s not bad, but you can see him lose the beat a couple times. Len said that there was “little about that to say that I can give you any encouragement.” Terrible posture, “like the snow - glad when it’s all over.” Bruno said he looked uncomfortable - it was cumbersome and ungainly, and he went backward instead of forward. Carrie Ann said he has great potential but he was thinking too much, he needs to be in the moment. Chad seems pretty humbled (a whole lot different from his football persona, that’s for sure!) and says that he’s going to continue to work. Their scores: 6-5-5=16, and a total of 34 for the two dances.

Kate & Tony will dance a Jive. Tony says every time he teaches her a new dance, it’s like teaching her a whole new language, and it gets tiring. She’s questioning his methods of teaching, saying that he’s not showing her correctly, and giving her any consideration on how she learns. Tony is getting bummed, saying he’s a world champion and has never been questioned on his teaching before. Kate seems to be apologizing and is being the typical bitch female, blaming Tony, who says “I quit” and leaves the room. Kate looks lost and weepy, saying “I don’t get it.” (Kate, honey, Tony is NOT Jon and won’t take your bullshit!) Tony interviews that he had a weak moment and “let it get to me.” Kate, ever the big person, says “I can be difficult, so I don’t blame Tony.” How sweet of her! After all that, Kate is pah-thet-ICK. There’s no bounce, no fluidity, and she can barely remember what she’s doing. (I think that Edyta and Tony should be partners after their stars get kicked out.) Thankfully, it’s over and Bruno says the song (I’m Still Standing, by Elton John, which Bruno danced in the video) brings back great memories for him, which Kate turned into a nightmare. “You went through the motions like a Stepford Wife.” Carrie Ann said the positive thing was that she made it through the whole routine - but that’s it ... she was bouncing through the dance because that’s all she could do. Len thinks her nerves are breaking her. “What’s the worst that can happen? Go out fighting!” I feel so bad for Tony! With Brooke, Kate tries to explain that what we saw was “30 seconds of a week’s practice with a great teacher.” They have to learn to communicate like a “...eeek! Marriage?” Their scores (as Tony covers his eyes): 5-5-5=15, and they have a total of 31. Kate says this week has shown that neither of them are quitters (but I wouldn’t blame Tony a bit!)

So here are the standings (Judges' scores only) after two dances:

53 - Nicole & Derek
47 - Evan & Anna
44 - Erin & Maks
43 - Pamela & Damien
40 - Jake & Chelsie
39 - Niecy & Louis
38 - Shannen & Mark
34 - Chad & Cheryl
34 - Aiden & Edyta
31 - Kate & Tony
26 - Buzz & Ashly

After seeing Tony suffer with Kate, I think I can take Buzz for another week to get rid of Kate and give Tony a break. He doesn’t need the aggravation! What do you think? Make sure you vote, people! We’ll see who goes home tomorrow night!