Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Down to Couples We All Like, But One Has to Go

Tonight only the strong will survive! One couple will be eliminated ... LIVE!!!!

Brooke is wearing a dress that looks like it has a big zipper running down the front. I like her hair in a “Jeannie” style though...

We get our announcement of their first safe couple, and it’s Erin & Maks!

Len gives his commentary on last night’s dances. He thinks there were great performances and some great technique, but no couple pulled off both. Nicole had “all sizzle, no sausage.” Evan has fallen from heaven, plummeting down in the standings. He wants to learn all the dances and doesn’t want to leave yet. Len doesn’t think that Jake’s stumble was his fault. He loved Pam’s intensity, but said her footwork wasn’t there. In the confessional, she says she wants to refine her dancing so she can stick around. Niecy comes up to Len backstage and asks how she did, and Len tells her he thoroughly enjoyed it. Niecy would be disappointed to go home now - “especially because I don’t have the Mirrorball Trophy in my hand.” Len thinks Chad & Cheryl was the breakthrough couple, and Chad thinks they’re peaking at the right time. Len complained again that Maks was a distraction to Erin’s great dance, and I again wholeheartedly disagree!!!! Backstage, Erin tells Maks to stop taking off his shirt so Len will like them, and Maks says “if we get two 9s and a 7 every time, maybe I won’t.” (Fine by me!)

Tom and Brooke ask Len who the judges want to see again, and he says they want the couple who pulled out “their breakthrough dance of the season,” Chad & Cheryl. It looks even better this time around. I think one of these times the producers should just tape the dress rehearsal and surprise the stars, and let the judges judge THAT instead. Bet the dances are much better without the extra stress!

Melissa Etheridge will sing the title song from her new album. I’ve always liked her a lot, and she still sounds great! Maks, Anna, Tony and Chelsie are dancing and it makes for a great number all around. (And Maks has his shirt open - a protest to Len, maybe?) They all get a standing ovation from the audience.

We go through the standings and see Niecy in the Confessional asking Louie “I eat a rose, you eat a cookie. Now, is that fair?” Chad says “I don’t wanna go. Because if I go, I’ve got nowhere to go. Literally.” Tom and Brooke will tell us the next couple that is safe, and it’s Chad & Cheryl. Chad tries to plant a kiss on Cheryl and she dodges it, leaving poor Chad’s lips hanging out there.

We are treated to a Salsa guitarist (sounds like “Fenessay”) and his dancers, and he’s pretty darn good. I’m sure Len likes all the female dancers on the desk. Bruno is probably wishing some of the guys were up there!

Sports Science comes up - they are going to analyze the athleticism of Edyta and Dmitry. First, it’s strength. They’re wired up and we find out that Dmitry does the splits using 1800 pounds of force and leaps 38 inches vertically. For balance, we see Edyta doing a backbend. 53% of her body weight is distributed outside of her base of support, but her abdominal muscles keep her up. (I’d love to have half of that tone in my abdominal muscles!) Her spins peak at 800 degrees per second, a spin rate faster than the pedals on Lance Armstrong’s bike at top speed! Now it’s precision. We see Edyta and Dmitry staying in sync of each other within 2 milliseconds, and their legs and body angles are off less than 1 degree. Now, this is a filler that I really liked! Very interesting!

After the commercial Melissa Etheridge is back, singing “Come to My Window,” and we’re treated to Edyta and Alec dancing. During the dance, Alec pulls Edyta to him and Edyta’s hair covers Alec’s head...where’d he go? (Heehee)

Brooke interviews the safe couples backstage and asks Maks if he’s going to dodge Len’s wrath by staying covered from now on. Maks deadpans “I will be fully covered.” (If that’s true, they’ll lose at least a quarter of the female audience!) Chad thinks it’s very refreshing to get some love from the judges, and saying it’s nice to hear that their hard work is paying off.

Tom calls Nicole & Derek and Jake & Chelsie down to announce who is safe, and it’s Nicole & Derek. He tells Jake & Chelsie that they will hear their fate ... later. Before we go to break, Tom says they are “in jeopardy.” That’s not what he said - and after the commercial, it’s switched to “one of the four celebrities whose fate still hangs in the balance.” Brooke says she can feels the nervous energy. Niecy says “we love each other not to tell each other the truth.” If anyone has a bad performance, they get cheered as if they were perfect. (I hope everyone used some votes for Niecy, I just love her!)

Another filler segment, listening to the stars talk about what being on the show so far means. Jake says it’s mentally, emotionally, and physically challenging. Nicole is getting hooked and says “it’s all or nothing.” Erin can see the finish line. Chad realizes how absolutely hard it is, and “big time” humbling. Pam says it’s nerve-wracking, but it’s okay to do stuff that you’re not comfortable with. Evan has to try to remember a “game face” isn’t conducive to some of the dances. Niecy thinks elimination nights are the time “when you throw up in your mouth a little bit.” Under the intense pressure, she might bend, “but I’m not gonna break.” No one wants to go home.

Another safe couple is announced. Pamela & Damien! And Damien gets a kiss on the lips from Pamela! There are three couples left - Jake & Chelsie, Evan & Anna, and Niecy & Louie. I don’t want any of them to go home! We’re shown clips of their dances from last night. Oh, c’mon, get it over with already! I feel sorry for the couples standing there, waiting.....Tom says the first couple in the bottom two is Jake & Chelsie. Definitely safe are Evan & Anna - hooray! That leaves Niecy & Louie in the bottom two. Len will miss Niecy’s bubbly personality and her sassy hip action, and Jake’s enthusiasm and will to win. Okay, I’ll sacrifice Jake for Niecy, I like her better! And the voters are with me, it’s Jake & Chelsie. Jake really looks bummed. The ugly girl he picked on the Bachelor looks really bummed too. He thanks everyone who tweeted, Facebooked, voted and kept them as long as they did. He says it’s harder than it looks “up here” and gets blubbery when Tom asks what he wants to say to Chelsie, as he thanks her and calls her a best friend. They show the clip package, and it looks like Brooke is tearing up a bit.

Okay, kids, next week we get the Group Dances and individual dances too. I’m changing the channel to watch the Wings hopefully defeat the Phoenix Coyotes (and that’s LIVE too!)

Monday, April 26, 2010

Sexy Samba, Smoldering Argentine Tango ... and then a Swing Dance Marathon!

Another chance to make Dancing With the Stars the most-watched show of the week! And it’s LIVE!!!!! From Hollywood!

Erin & Maks come down the stairs and he’s pointing at Erin with a thumbs up. She does look quite fetching! The last couple down the stairs is Pam & Damien, and she’s in a brown wig! Actually doesn’t look too bad, either! Tom says “we’re missing a blonde.” We’re at the halfway point of the season, and our seven couples look ready to go!

Tonight the couples have to do two dances - the Argentine Tango or Samba, and then compete in a Swing Marathon where lifts will be allowed.

Jake & Chelsie will begin with a Samba. Chelsie took Jake to meet some Samba dancers to get into the swing of things. He’s going to work really hard so he can prove he’s a contender. Jake begins the dance with a walk where he might be trying to shake his hips, but looks like he has a stick up his butt. What is his deal? He slips again in the middle of the routine, bumping into the steps by the judges’ table. And then Chelsie does too! Sorry, Jake was getting better, but this doesn’t cut it for me. Maybe it’s the music. Len begins by telling Jake that he was more polished and he has more confidence, but his rhythm was lacking. Bruno agrees that it lacked rhythm and bounce. Bruno says his pelvic gyrations were okay, but he didn’t wiggle correctly. Jake protests that he didn’t have his dollar (Bruno threw one at him last week after whining that Jake put his pants back on) and Bruno told him to go back and get it. Carrie Ann says he trips because he pushes himself to the max. He needs to connect to the music to be on the top. They show a replay of Jake’s trip on the step and Tom asks if we “liked the salt-in-the-wound replay.” Their scores: 7-7-7=21.

Before the commercial, we see Erin & Maks arguing (what a surprise), Nicole getting frustrated, and Evan & Anna trying a flip and Evan landing on his head, hoping it’s not a concussion. They’re up next, so we’ll get the details soon....

Evan & Anna are dancing a Samba also. They start the week trashing talking about pressure. She tells him the hip action has to be much better than the Rumba, and laughs at his attempts. We see the flip Evan tries to do over Anna’s back, and he lands on the back of his head and his neck cracks. They go to the doctor, who tells him he has a mild concussion, but he should be okay, and Evan comes out with his head wrapped in an Ace bandage and tells Anna “they’re admitting me to the psych ward.” This is a much better Samba than Jake & Chelsie’s and yes, it is the music. Much more Samba-like. Evan’s got his hips going pretty good, and Anna has choreographed a lot of spins for him. He seems a little clumsy at times, though. Bruno says it’s nice to see “the little devil inside you.” But! Evan has good lyrical lines, but for the Samba it doesn’t work. His legs were turned out, and stopped his hips from moving the right way. Carrie Ann says sometimes he wins with the dances, and sometimes he loses, and with the Samba, he lost. His lines don’t suit this dance. Len says “I don’t want to be nasty, Evan, you know I don’t have a nasty bone in my body” (and Carrie Ann and Bruno start hooting). Len tells him that it’s a carnival dance, and it was more balletic, and didn’t suit him. It was his worst dance. Tom says “I enjoyed whatever it is you did.” Brooke asks him what the harsh criticism feels, and Evan is so PC, saying that the criticism is constructive and he has to work on his hips for the Latin dances. Their scores: 7-7-7=21. That’s a surprise after the comments, and it is Evan & Anna’s lowest score.

Going into the break, Tom says Niecy & Louis are going to do the first ever comedy Argentine Tango. I don’t have a good feeling about this, I hope it works out! I don’t want Niecy to go yet!

So here come Niecy & Louis. Louis is showing Niecy what to do with her leg, and she asks “who’s leg is gonna do that?” Niecy is great at kicking Louis trying to learn the proper steps. She gets it right and howls with laughter. They begin by Louis giving her a rose, which she bites into and spits out. During some leg flicks, she gets a kick up high and Louie acts as if he’s been kicked in the groin. He does a lift with her that’s pretty cool! At the end of the dance, she slides down Louis’ body as he munches a cookie and she reaches for it. He’s choking a bit on the cookie and everyone gets a good laugh out of it. Carrie Ann begins and after a long pause says “nice to see you dancing.” She had a new attitude in her dancing and her lines were strong. Carrie Ann wasn’t sure they’d go for a lift, and she’s glad they did. Niecy yells “can you believe he picked all this up?” Carrie Ann says they didn’t need the comedy, but Len says he liked it, because it didn’t interfere with the dance. Len tells us the Argentine Tango is about a lady of the night trying to get money, “but you were trying to get food.” He liked it. Bruno says “if you treat all of your men like that, stay away from my lunch box.” He thought she put a lot of work into her footwork, and it shows. In the Celebraquarium, Niecy is munching a cookie. Brooke asks Niecy about putting comedy into their routine, and Niecy says “comedy and food, two of my favorite things!” Their scores are getting redundant: 7-7-7=21. Tom says “tonight’s show is brought to you by the paddle 7.”

Erin & Maks are dancing a sexy Samba. Erin is having problems keeping up with Maks, and wants to do it even though Maks has all the experience. She’s doing a great job, and starts messing up so Maks tells her “you were doing great and then you started thinking.” Erin says she over-analyzes everything. She thinks that what she did wasn’t right, which sets Maks off. “It’s not about what you think, it’s about what I think! How do you know unless you receive a confirmation?” He says her over-analyzing isn’t affecting Erin’s learning, it’s affecting his health. “I’m gonna get institutionalized after this season.” She’s wearing a very Edyta-like dress, nude on top except for some well-laced purple rhinestones, and a great purple feather skirt. It looks as if Maks is going to tear off the feathers, but Erin rips off his sleeves. A couple steps later, Maks rips off his shirt. (Time out for a cold shower......talk amongst yourselves.) Len says “from week one, I’ve given you a seven. You’re getting another one, and you should be getting eights, nines and even tens.” Both Tom and Carrie Ann ask “how will she get one if you don’t give them to her?” Len says this is how, and yells at Maks. “I’m fed up with shirts coming off, (SHUT UP LEN) she’s a good dancer and she should be competing.” Maks tosses his shirt at Len and asks the crowd “I think that was an amazing Samba. What?” And the audience goes wild! Bruno yells that she did dance a proper dance, she didn’t choreograph it. Her arm placement was spot-on, and it’s one thing Bruno has criticized her for all season. It was exciting, it had aggression and it was like a “girl who likes to be on top.” Carrie Ann says it is one of the most difficult dances to get, and raises from her seat as she tells Erin “you got it!” Both Erin & Maks plant a big kiss on Tom. Brooke says it’s like none of the judges were watching the same dance. Their scores: 9-7-9=25. Erin & Maks are very happy! Tom thinks the problem is that Len forgot to bring the other paddles this week!

Chad & Cheryl will dance an Argentine Tango next. He felt the judges were really hard on him so he’s going back to Cincinnati to refocus. He shows up for the Bengals’ draft party, where they interview a fan who says “Chad is the best dancer. I don’t know what the judges are seeing.” (A little less beer, guy.) Chad says “the Argentine Tango is all about chest and hips pressed together. I think I’m gonna like that.” Cheryl wants Chad to learn how to lead - she says “manhandle me.” (You’re actually giving him that permission? Crazy woman!) Cheryl is doing a lot of the work for this dance, but at least when Chad moves, he’s doing a good job. I like the move with Cheryl rubbing her body up his crotch as she rises from the floor - bet that boy has a hell of a hard-on right now! Bruno calls it “the revenge of Ochocinco! Strong, powerful, demented.” He was hard on Chad because “I knew you had it” and tonight he proved he could actually dance. Carrie Ann says they were hard on Chad because he wasn’t dancing, but tonight, “you nailed it.” It was arrogant and sensual, and his lines were great. Len tells Chad “on Dancing With the Stars, you either grow, or you go, and tonight you grew.” We get their scores: 8-8-8=24. It’s their highest score so far! Chad likes that he could take charge for a change, since Cheryl has been leading him so far.

Nicole & Derek’s turn next! They will Samba, and Nicole is excited to do Ricky Martin and Gloria Estefan moves. She’s having problems with the Samba’s technical aspects. Nicole is another person who is over-analyzing, talking about what side Derek is on, where the camera angles will be, and she’s getting crazy. My hunny yells that Derek didn’t choreograph this for his partner, and looks like he’s more concerned with making himself look good. I don’t think that’s entirely true, but Derek does look like he’s showing off quite a bit. Time for judging! Carrie Ann yells “opa! I don’t even know what that means!” (Len is backing away from Carrie Ann, and I’m thinking she’s in the wrong part of the earth). She says that she was looking for something to criticize and all she can say is sometimes Nicole gets a weird look on her face. Len shows us that Mr. Crankypants hasn’t gone far and bursts the bubble by saying Carrie Ann is misinformed. He says the difficulty level and the performance was great. The line at the end had ugly legs, and he tells Derek that he judges the Samba on valtas and botafogos (don’t even try and bother me about the spelling!), and he didn’t see one. We see Bruno bringing his jaw up off the table and he yells “you are one singular sensation!” He tells Nicole “you have nothing to worry about.” Their scores: 9-7-10=26. Tom says Len is appearing at the Comedy Stop tonight, because he’s a “laugh riot.”

Pam & Damien will dance an Argentine Tango. She loves the dance because it’s a very sexy dance. She really wants to get this dance right. Damien is happy about the lifts, but Pam keeps anticipating them and “jumping” into them. I’m noticing that in that brown wig, Pam looks a lot like Sophia Loren (her eyes are very smoky looking). Before the break, we see some clips of everyone practicing the Swing Dance lifts, and see Evan landing on his head again. Ouch! Enough! The dance begins and it’s very sultry and sexy. Pam really does well! She actually has the foot action and her posture is good. Len says the Argentine Tango is about seduction, and Pam does seduction very well. She got the flavor of the dance, although it was a bit scruffy here and there. Bruno says it’s another great character from Pamela, “the blossom ready to be plucked but not without a fight.” He loves to see that she’s not just dancing, but living the part. (He’s spot on with that!) Tom tells Bruno “sometimes you’re just weird.” Carrie Ann loves the commitment to the character, but says while Pam’s upper body was convincing, the lower body and legs weren’t great. Wow! A side view of Pam shows she has one heckofa shelf there! Brooke asks Pam about being in the bottom two, but always coming back with a fighting spirit, and Pam gives the camera the sexy eyes and says breathlessly “I like to be on top.” She enjoys learning the dances. Their scores: 7-7-8=22.

Next is the Swing Dance Marathon! All the couples will begin at the same time, and the judges will knock them out one by one. We see everyone practicing. Niecy says “the Swing Dance Marathon is the survival of the fittest. I wish it was the survival of the jiggliest, because I know I could win that one.” She’s panting something fierce. Chelsie likes Jake’s strength and thinks that they have an advantage (although I think Chad might be a bit stronger). Chad has a board, showing Cheryl X’s and O’s and trying to develop a strategy. “Niecy, we have to find a way to take her food from her. Erin, we don’t have to worry about because trees can’t dance.” (Huh?) Tom is backstage watching on a monitor as the couple take their places and begin dancing. This is one dance where the female celebrities are wearing tennis shoes, but the female pros have heels. Jake & Chelsie are the first ones out, and get 4 points. Chad rips his shirt off and jumps over Cheryl to the audience cheers. Louie lifts Niecy over his back and collapses under her (on purpose) but it’s not impressing the judges, and they’re the next couple to go. Evan & Anna have to go next, and they get 6 points. Chad & Cheryl get the boot now for 7 points. It looks like the remaining couples choreographed their dances better. Pamela & Damien go next, leaving Nicole & Derek and Erin & Maks. Erin & Maks are told to leave (even though I like their dancing better) and Nicole & Derek get the 10 points for winning. Tom and Brooke call Nicole & Derek over for the judges’ comments, and they compliment all the couples for their lifts and stamina.

So here are the standings after the judges’ scores:

36 - Nicole & Derek
34 - Erin & Maks
31 - Chad & Cheryl
30 - Pam & Damien
27 - Evan & Anna
26 - Niecy & Louis
25 - Jake & Chelsie

So there’s a little moving around this week in the judges’ scores ... make sure you vote and keep your favorites dancing!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Yes, Folks, There is a God, and He Hates Kate Too!

LIVE!!!!!! It’s Dancing With the Stars! The Results! And at least Brooke is wearing a cute dress tonight.....

Tom tells us that we are going to find out who’s at the top and at the bottom. We continue the no-nonsense beginning to the show as all the couples are assembled on the stairs and Nicole & Derek and Kate & Poor Tony are called to the stage. Wow, I wonder which couple is which? Yep, you guessed it - Nicole & Derek are safe, and Kate & Poor Tony are in the Bottom Two.

Len gives us a report on last night’s dances. He thinks Erin did very well. Jake has become a leading man - and backstage, Chelsie laughs about Jake “coming out in your underwear in front of 22 million people.” Pam didn’t have enough content - it was a trailer, not a feature film. Those three, according to Len, are “the best of the worst and the worst of the best,” stuck in the middle. Niecy was a little bit lackluster and Chad’s Quickstep lacked “wow” power. “Kate, if your Foxtrot had been a movie, I’d have walked out.” Backstage she says “Maybe the judges can’t see it, but I know I’m improving.” (The rest of the viewing audience doesn’t see it either, Boopsie!) Len loves the battle between Nicole and Evan. Evan’s Rumba was a high standard - but Nicole’s Tango was “epic.” Derek & Nicole run screaming with delight into the confessional room, and Derek falls over the chair.

Len and Carrie Ann wanted to see a different encore dance, but Len says “for Bruno, he wants to see some tighty whities” so they want to see Chad and Chelsie. (I SWEAR that’s what he said!) Contrary to Len’s introduction, Jake and Chelsie come out and yes, Jake is again in his underwear. During the dance there is some “adjusting” as Chelsie tries not to let her boobs fall out of her dress. Tom quips that “Jake was worried about exposing the wrong thing.”

The first singing act is Maxwell - sorry, folks, blasted through it because I watched the Red Wings defeat Phoenix (a 3-0 shutout!), and it’s getting late and I still have LOST to watch.

Brooke and Tom go through the standings after the judges’ scores, and of course Kate & Poor Tony are last and in her confessional, Kate says “We’re not gonna give up, we’re going to keep working just as hard.” (Tony has a look of resignation, like he’s looking for a knife to fall on). Pam says “No more props, I promise. Just these” as she grabs her boobs.

The next couples to come down from the stairs are the two who tied with 18 points: Chad & Cheryl and Niecy & Louis. Chad & Cheryl are “still in jeopardy” and will hear their fate “later.” Niecy & Louis are safe, and Niecy jumps for joy (and Louis looks pretty doggone happy too. I know I am, I really like Niecy!)

Macy’s Stars of Dance are going to do a tribute to the movies. We hear from the choreographer who did the three Austin Powers movies and is helping with the new Fame movie. Debbie Allen will recreate her Fame dance, along with three other movie dances.

After the break, Kate and Chad get interviewed by Brooke and Kate again tells us that she’s having fun “contrary to popular belief.” (I have more fun at funerals.) “I’m giving my best.” (Oh, good grief. I could do better than that being 40 pounds overweight, out of shape, and SLEEPING!!!!) Chad is frustrated with his low scores, and he’s like a “nuke man.” I think that’s what he said (even after multiple hearings). Huh?

Adam Corolla gets to come back because his first bit went so well .... after hearing Niecy talk about “thick girls” a few times, he says “that’s nice, but I didn’t dedicate all my dances to Italians that are mistaken for Jews.” He tells Pam “a true champion doesn’t need props” but we see Adam riding the unicycle, which he blamed on Julianne. He mentions the 6-6-6 scores last night, and says “the dark lord is among us, and his name is Bruno!” His favorite dance was Kate - “and now let’s watch it at regular speed.”

Now comes Macy’s Stars of Dance. Don’t know what movie “Puttin’ on the Ritz” is from, but it was a cool dance! Ooh, now it’s Saturday Night Fever. Shades of John Travolta! (And I just caught a few minutes of that movie over the weekend, and I can admit I’ve never seen it. I will rent it, soon). Austin Powers comes next, oh, behave! Debbie Allen is NOT dancing (and looks like she hasn’t danced in a while, actually) but the Fame dancing is good anyway. After all that hype about Debbie Allen being on the show, she says three sentences? Wow, I’m impressed. (Not!)

The next singing act is Debbie Nova from Costa Rica. She’s got Tony, Derek, Damien, and Dmitry dancing with her as she sings, and she kinda looks like Jessica Simpson. Not bad, but I zipped through that too.

Next week the celebrities get to design the costumes for their dance. Niecy is looking forward to “torturing” Louis. Tony thinks it’s not a privilege the show should give the stars. Evan tells Anna to go have a drink, “it’s gonna get ugly in here.” Nicole asks “who wouldn’t want to see Derek in some Spandex?” Niecy wants to coat Louis in chocolate.

The next two highest-scoring couples get to hear their fates next. Evan & Anna are safe, and Jake & Chelsie are “still in jeopardy.”

Brooke is backstage with the three safe couples. Derek says Nicole works really hard in rehearsal. Evan worked hard last week also. Niecy was asked about keeping up with Evan and Nicole, and she says “I’m just gonna stay in my lane and enjoy myself.” Louis says Niecy has a hectic schedule in the upcoming week so he’s bringing oxygen tanks and more food - “whatever it takes to keep her going.”

More results to come: Erin & Maks and Pam & Damien are invited to the front of the stage. Erin & Maks are safe. Pamela & Damien are “still in jeopardy.” PLLLEEEEEAAASSSSEEEE tell me no matter who joins Kate & Poor Tony in the Bottom Two, it will be Kate going home!!!!

After the commercial, we have to see more of last night’s dances before we get to find out who goes home. Oh, jeeze, get on with it already! Okay, who will join Kate & Poor Tony in the dreaded Bottom Two? Jake & Chelsie are ... safe! Chad & Cheryl are also safe! They both look amazed! (Cheryl didn’t hear the announcement). That leaves Pam & Damien in the Bottom Two, and we get to hear the judges talk nice about Pam and Kate. Carrie Ann says Kate is “a housewife who is out here like a lot of women want to be, and I love your determination, and you’re no quitter.” (She didn’t even start, how can she quit something she didn’t start?) Bruno says Pamela brings a “fantastic interpretation to every dance” and thinks people are crazy that she’s in the Bottom Two because she can dance. “It’s not right.” Len is asked what is lost if either goes home, and says “whoever goes, it’s a real disappointment.” (Oh, please, God, send Kate, send Kate!) Cue the music......and PRAISE THE LORD!!!! It’s Kate & Poor Tony. Brooke asks Kate what she takes away from the experience, and she starts tearing up, and Poor Tony jumps in with a very complimentary and gentlemanly speech about how proud he is of her, and he knows how hard his wife works with only three children, and Kate is a single mother with eight kids, blah blah blah blah blah blah. Kate says she met a lot of wonderful people and had a great teacher, and she’s grown to love everyone. At least she can be semi-convincing.

Tom says “we were going to go to a package but let’s just talk.” He asks her about her determination, and she says she really gave her all and she was scared to death most of the time. As they go for their “last dance” no-longer-Poor Tony hugs her and looks the happiest I’ve seen him in weeks!

Okay, now that she’s out of the way, we can get away from the drama and lackluster dancing and start getting into the nitty gritty! Until next week, when again, we dance LIVE!!!!!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Settle Back With Some Popcorn, It's Movie Night!

LIVE!!! From Hollywood! It’s Movie Night with Dancing With the Stars! And what is with Brooke’s dress? She a zebra from Lion King? And of course, Kate does her “I love you” thing - if anything, let’s get rid of her so we can lose that, okay? Please? Pleeeeaaaasssseeeee??????

First up, Niecy & Louis will dance a Jive - she gets to shake what her momma gave her! She’s going to shake things she didn’t even know she had. Louis is telling her to slide through his legs, and she tells him he’s crazy, she won’t fit. Niecy says the Jive is the fastest she’s ever moved ... “well, while dancing. This is a family show!” She’s wearing the requisite fringe, but she’s not very bouncy. She’s definitely shaking her jiggly parts! At the end of the dance she plants a huge kiss on Len’s head and leaves a big lipstick imprint. Len begins by saying she got her personality into the dance, but she didn’t bounce much in her feet (although “there was plenty of bounce in your bazookas.”) It’s really hard to take him seriously with the red lips on his head. Bruno says there was a lot going on and it lacked the necessary sharpness. He pointed out a mistake, which Louis quickly admitted to as being his mistake, not Niecy’s. Niecy asks about the jiggly parts and Bruno agrees that they were wonderful. Carrie Ann calls her the “shimmy queen.” She said there was looseness in her bottom half, but loved to see Niecy having fun. In the Celebraquarium, Niecy says on behalf of “all thick girls everywhere, ya’ll need to vote for me. I’m hungry and I’m tired.” She thanks Louis for taking responsibility for messing up and Louis says “yeah, thanks for reminding everyone.” Their scores: 6-6-6=18.

Chad & Cheryl are up next. Backstage, Chad is holding a sign that says “Chris Henry I love you. 85+15=100 ways to be great!” (Chris Henry was a fellow receiver with Chad on the Cincinnati Bengals, and wore #15 on his jersey. He died after a domestic dispute with his girlfriend - he fell off the back of the pickup truck she was driving away.) Cheryl is being a slave driver in the practice rooms, and Chad decides that there’s something wrong with Cheryl. He says they spend more time together than a normal married couple, and he knows something is wrong. She finally tells him she’s under a lot of pressure, and wants him to improve. Chad tells us that he’s glad they had a chat today, “I don’t think we accomplished anything, but it was pretty cool.” They are dancing a Quickstep, and it looks to be giving Chad a little trouble - his elbow is dropping and his feet are getting tangled. Bruno begins by saying their Quickstep seemed to lose control. His hold and frame were terrible. Carrie Ann said it was extreme - parts were great and improved, and then it was bad. She wasn’t impressed with the hold. Chad tells Carrie Ann “we have plenty of contact” and Carrie Ann comes back with “not that kind of contact, this is a dance competition.” Tom quips “not to him, it’s not!” Len thought Chad’s posture was better and it was lively. He tried to be complimentary and said overall it was very nice. Brooke asks Chad about the marriage reference and “what’s going on with you two?” Chad says “everything is professional,” just whatever he did to make Cheryl laugh, didnt' make her laugh so he knew something was wrong. Their scores aren’t all that: 6-6-6=18.

Before the commercial, we get to see Jake come into rehearsal “trying to channel Tom Cruise” and Tony telling Kate “you put in zero, that’s what you’re gonna get out of it.” Erin is driving Maks crazy trying to get him to explain things, and he has a temper tantrum (stomping his feet and everything!) trying to tell her to stop thinking and just do it!

Erin & Maks will be dancing a “Pulp Fiction-inspired Jive.” This oughta be interesting! Maks is telling Erin that he’s the boss, and Erin has to do exactly what he says. “The entire week is going to be according to Maks. Cause that’s how Maks likes it.” Erin tries a Maks accent and says he told her that “the Jive is like what you cheerleaders do.” Erin says they’re like a science experiment - some days the chemicals mix, and some days they explode. We see them arguing over shoes, steps, everything. Maks says every day they argue, and “put it into the book that Erin and Maks disagreed on this, turn the page....” The dance starts out slow, and Maks reads a menu throughout out the first part of it, and then it perks up and looks pretty good! Her kicks and flicks aren’t bad! Tom says “you two are so cute when you fight!” and Maks protests “don’t tell her that!” Carrie Ann really liked it. It’s been a hard night, and Erin's ankles were just ahead of Maks and the beat. Len hated the beginning but he started to enjoy it, and it got a little hectic but overall “I thought you did a really good job.” (Did they let the nice Len out of the home tonight? Or did Len have a big hot toddy before the show?) Bruno said she got the magic all the way through, and this was her best timing ever. “You didn’t go off beat once.” Of course, Maks has to get behind Tom and grab his butt before they head off to the Celebraquarium. Their scores: 7-7-8=22, the best scores of the night so far! Brooke says whatever they did this week, worked, and again Maks said “don’t tell her that!” Brooke called it a cute “lover’s quarrel” and Erin said she was actually quiet, and Maks protests yet again. Brooke tries to stir it up by saying “is love in the air?” and Erin snaps back with “not until he buys me a ring like Chad got Cheryl. Are you joking?” The look on Maks’ face says otherwise!

Next on the floor are Jake and Chelsie with a song from Risky Business ("Old Time Rock & Roll" of course!) to the Cha Cha. Jake keeps asking Chelsie questions about what she’s doing and Chelsie tells him that he has to stop thinking about it and feel what he’s dancing. The next time he comes in, Jake is shirtless (mmmm) and tells Chelsie “I’m just trying to channel Tom Cruise” even though he does have the wrong movie. The dance begins with Jake in a shirt and dark socks (and no pants!) with a wooden spoon for a microphone, skidding across the stage! Does he have tighty whities or boxers? Chelsie comes out and he throws his pants on. Wha-a-a? Isn’t that a little backwards? He’s doing a lot of holding Chelsie while she moves her booty, and when he is dancing, it looks pretty good but not too Cha-Cha-ey. Listen to me, the dancing afficionado! Len likes that Jake comes out 100%. He loved the feeling of the dance and thought it was fun, but then Jake messed up. Bruno called him a “cheeky buggar” and asked “why did you put your pants on?” (Exactly!) Tom drops his microphone. Bruno thought it was one of the best performances and says “there’s going to be a day when you stop going wrong because everything else is just so exciting.” Carrie Ann conjures up an old saying and tells Jake “you’ve got the guts so you’d better enjoy the glory.” She loved the whole package of the dance. Brooke asks Jake if he ever thought he’d be dancing in his underwear in front of 12 million people and Jake comes back with “I just didn’t want a wardrobe malfunction tonight.” Their scores: 8-7-8=23. They are very happy! Jake says it’s worth the skinned knee after sliding across the dance floor.

Pam & Damien will dance to “9 to 5" and “channel her inner Dolly Parton.” I think her Dolly Partons are outside, thank you very much! They’ll be doing a Quickstep, and she’d better have a good bra on so she doesn’t knock herself out! Pam says she’s worried about the movie they’re going to give her, she’s more of a Fellini girl, “breaking things while naked,” but she’s happy with the 9 to 5. Damien is pushing Pam hard this week, and she’s getting a huge cardio workout. Uh oh, they begin with “messin’ about” that Len won’t like. This song just isn’t quick enough for the Quickstep - they’re doing a good one, albeit at a lower tempo. She’s really surprising me, actually, dancing a lot better than I expected. They do a pretty nice thing where they dance on a chair, onto the table, and back onto a chair and don’t even fall over! (I would have, for sure). Bruno loves her characterization of the dances, and the dancing was good as well. “Pamela, you’re doing a great job.” Carrie Ann agrees with Bruno, that her posture is good, and thinks Pam could be on Broadway. Len thinks she got the movie mixed up, and says “knowing how I am about props and such, you went for the death wish.” He complains that they spent 24 bars of “messin’ around.” But the bit of dancing she did, he liked. Tom says “that was Len from ‘How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Their scores: 7-6-8=21. After Brooke asks what they both like the most about doing the show, Pam says she likes to do another dance every week, and Damien says “I get to dance with Pam.” (Duh).

(OOOOHHHH! LOST commercial! “The long-awaited reunion is here.” Sun & Jin finally get together? Will it actually happen? Sorry. I got a little off track there.)

Kate & Tony will come up and we get to see how Kate pisses Tony off this week. They’ll be dancing the Fox Trot with a song from The Breakfast Club. He shows her a move and Kate bursts the bubble with her wonderful (gah) attitude, asking “are we swimming or dancing?” Tony looks defeated, telling Kate it’s a dance move, and it’s from the movie. He’s trying to add a little humor to the dance, and Kate is devoid of humor. Tony says she has no motivation and no energy and it’s getting tiring pushing her every week. Kate gets something right, and asks “isn’t it fun when you tell me to do something and I actually do it?” Tony says “you have no idea!!!” The dance begins with a blackboard that says “Detention” and “Tony (heart) Carrie Ann” on it. The poor guy has to resort to schmoozing the judges for any kind of score, he ain’t getting it from his partner! Ack! This woman cannot dance. There is NO emotion in her whatsoever except for depressed whining. It’s a Fox Trot? Carrie Ann says “there’s some sort of grace that’s developing.” She tells Kate that when she watches her dance, it’s like the Charlie Brown adults talk (and does a great impression). There’s no formed move. Len calls it “neat and precise” but says it wasn’t a dance, it was a stroll. He liked the absence of props, but “I thought Bruno was the cranky one, now I’ve got Carrie Ann wa-wa-waaing.” Bruno: “Darling. I think Tony could have had more life with a frock on a coat hanger.” (The look on Tony’s face is one of embarrassed agreement.) He called her catatonic and is upset because last week “I thought something happened” and now it’s back to bad. “It needs a post mortem, not a critique. When you see that something can happen, and then you retreat everything, well, what’s the bloody point?” He begs Kate to “give us something.” (Forget it Bruno, she’s dead inside, it shows outside.) Poor Tony! Brooke says she understands exhaustion, being a mother, and Kate explains that she had “8 little friends” visit this week and used all her energy on them. Their scores: 5-5-5=15. Tony says Kate gave him everything he asked this week (he sure knows how to lower his expectations, huh?) Tom quips that “8 little friends just stripped Bruno’s car.”

Next on the floor are Nicole & Derek to dance a Tango to “Pretty Woman.” She was upset with herself for screwing up last week, and she has to remember to enjoy the dancing. Derek takes her to Beverly Hills to “get into character” - he’s gonna teach her to be a hooker? He says “we’re going to be spending an obscene amount of money” and she tries on all kinds of dresses, but when the bill is over $27,000, they run out of the store. (Ha ha!) They do some great acting during their dance, and Nicole is remembering to have fun - and her dancing shows it. It’s great! Kind of a weird move at the end but all in all I loved it, and see 10's coming! Len gets to begin and he tells Nicole that it was her best dance, and the best dance of the season so far. Bruno raises out of his seat, screaming about them dancing the “fine line between love and hate, bursting with sexual tension!!!!” (He grabs Len as he says this and Len looks horrified, and then shakes his head in his hands). Tom tells Carrie Ann “I dare you to follow that!” She says they are “superstars” complete with shaking hands. She calls it “art” because their lines were beautiful. In the Celebraquarium, Derek keeps wiping his cheek but doesn’t get a chance to explain it because they go to the scores: 10-9-10=29.

Evan & Anna will dance the Rumba to a hit from Armaggedon. They’re traveling every Wednesday through Sunday for Evan to join the Stars on Ice show, and will be practicing as they can. Anna shows Evan that he has to move his hips and she laughs as she watches him make the attempt. She’s concerned that he won’t be able to segue from skating to dancing. He’s thinking if he can get his hips moving and connect with Anna, they should be okay. Ooooh! Anna is wearing an Edyta outfit tonight! Evan’s hips look pretty good, actually...he’s dancing great, but I’m not sure about his “connection” with Anna. He does get a little peck after the dance, though. Bruno loves Evan’s lines and says there is a lyricism about it, like a ballet dancer. Bruno calls his spins “spot on” and says he’s “superb.” Carrie Ann thinks there was something beautiful going on, but it wasn’t his connection with Anna as much as the movements. She loves his strength and lyricism too. Len says it had “artistry, musicality, fluidity in your arms, you’ve got the hip action going.....” He liked it. Sounds good, will they score as well as Nicole & Derek? Brooke asks Evan about transitioning between skating and dancing, and Evan says he did a Rumba step in his skating routine, but he thinks no one noticed. Evan isn’t as competitive dancing as he is skating, because they’re all a family, and he just wants to make Anna proud. (Awwwww!) Their scores: 9-9-9=27. I think they could have squeaked a 10 out of that!

So, here’s the leaderboard after the judges’ scores”

29 - Nicole & Derek
27 - Evan & Anna
23 - Jake & Chelsie
22 - Erin & Maks
21 - Pam & Damien
18 - Niecy & Louis
18 - Chad & Cheryl
15 - Kate & Tony

Okay, folks, remember, you have to vote! Get on the internet - voting is open until noon. If you want your favorite to stay (and Kate to finally give Tony a break and GO HOME to her freaking kids already) then vote!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

How Can America Keep the Crazy Drama Queen and Get Rid of a Hunk?????

Results night on Dancing With the Stars! After being blasted by the judges all night last night, which star’s fans will come through and keep them there? We’ll wait and see, and we’ll see it LIVE!!!!!!

Tom and Brooke say hello and give a couple who is safe right away: Chad & Cheryl. Chad runs over to Jake and hugs him before he runs back to Cheryl for a peck on the cheek. The other couple safe is Jake & Chelsie - and after hugging Chelsie, Jake runs over and jumps into Chad’s arms. Len recaps Monday’s show. Maks is trying to figure out how Erin getting her foot caught in her dress for 3 steps out of the whole dance brings their score down to 6's. Len says it’s supposed to be a “war on the floor” but calls Niecy’s Rumba the “bore on the floor.” Niecy tells the confessional camera that she wants to stay, because all the fast dances are coming up and “all these skinny girls got nothing to shake.” Aiden admits that he was “emotionally stable but technically unstable.” Nicole is crying in the confessional and Derek reassures her. We see Jake’s stumble again and it looks like it really could have been ugly. Kate says she “really had fun out there.” Chad wants people at home to vote for him so he has longer to “win her heart.” (Assuming he means Cheryl). Len says Pam would look sexy mopping the floor (and I bet a gazillion dollars she doesn’t mop floors at all!)

Pam & Damien get to dance their Rumba for the encore. Pam looks pretty wasted - she’s been looking wasted the whole season, so I’m thinking that’s her natural look now...and is something going on with the audio? Is it my TV or them? There’s an echo on talking and singing. They fix it, then it comes back. How annoying, hopefully it’s them and my TV isn’t going kerflooey.

We see a filler clip of our celebrities finding out what it’s like to be “movie stars.” It’s a horror movie parody, where a guy in a Jason-like mask is scaring the stars - he rips off the mask and it’s Bruno! The movie is called “Tuesday the 13th.” Cute.

Sade is going to sing a song entitled “Baby Father.” Not even going to try and be interested. Brooke pronounced it “Shod-ay” and I always thought it was “Shar-day.” Oh well. Chelsie & Damien danced and it looked nice, even in fast forward.

We get a recap of the standings, and Kate says “this is fun. I wanna do this now.” You’re lucky you’ve been around as long as you have, woman! How dare you take 3 weeks of the show to decide you want to “do this now”? Aiden isn’t giving up, and Niecy wants to know “what’s up with the judges?” Erin is disappointed. Cheryl kisses Chad on the cheek and he complains “you’re not sending me off to school!” so she grabs his face to plant one on him - and the camera cuts away. Pam is inching her way up, and Nicole feels defeated (in second place, no less).

More results! The saved couple: Evan & Anna. Poor Erin looks really nervous. Tom introduces a clip we’ll see tonight of home movies of our pros as children. Anna says her parents are both pro dancers, and she’s been competing since she was 67. Chelsie hated dancing. We see pictures of Maks dressed in ridiculous costumes as a child, saying he couldn’t sing or act, and all the plays he was in, he was a mushroom or a tree. Derek trained in London with his sister Julienne and Mark Ballas, traveling all over the world. Louis tells us “if you’re not practicing, you’re competing or doing shows.” Cheryl and Edyta tell us how evil the dancers can be - elbowing each other and the like. “Hey, it’s a war out there.” Maks reveals that Tony got in a fight and got kicked out of a competition, and Tony explains that some guy stepped on his partner’s foot three times, on purpose, “so my natural instinct was to grab him and throw him into the audience.” (What a guy!) Tom tells us he’s amazed that Maks isn’t in therapy after some of those outfits. A bunch of kids are coming up to dance, and Mark says they’re the future of ballroom and very talented. They are kids, but not as young as I expected - they seems to be at least 14 and up (although the makeup on the girls can make them look a whole lot older than they are). They are really great! Mark Ballas choreographed the dance.

We get a filler clip titled “Cha Chablanca .” It’s a takeoff on Casablanca, and Evan is a skater “torn between and old love and his new love for the ballroom.” And his old love is Niecy! She tells the band “Play it again, Harold.” And Harold says “Play what?” Niecy looks at him and says “I don’t know!” If you’re looking for love, you don’t have to look farther than Cha Chablanca. Back for the commercial, we see the dancer that knows no boundaries - it’s Tony, smearing oil on his gorgeous body, putting on a headband and war paint. And the movie? “Glambo - First Dance.”

More couples staying until next week: Nicole & Derek and Pam & Damien. Tom ships Nicole & Damien off to talk to Brooke with Jake & Chelsie - and tells us that the only two couples that have been in the bottom two are safe - so that means a “favorite is going home tonight.” Jake tells Brooke that he feels for everyone left waiting to find out their fates. Nicole was upset last night that she let her nerves get the best of her. Tyler Peck and Nuttin But Strings will play the music for the principal ballerina from the NY Ballet doing a dance choreographed by a contemporary and hip hop choreographer. There are a bunch of guys, a few ballerinas, and it’s contemporary and hip hop, all right! The prima ballerina is the only one who still looks like she’s doing ballet. Pretty interesting!

Brooke talks to Kate & Tony backstage (giving up on the Celebraquarium so soon?) and she says last night was the first night she had so much fun, and she’ll cry if it’s over. Kate is thankful that Tony has been so patient with her. Chad isn’t a contender yet, but a work in progress, and “a woman loves a man that she can mold.” He does take this show seriously and he is “here to win.”

The next couple who is safe is: Erin & Maks (yay!). Chad is “00 Chelcinco.” He’s in a race against time because the last ballroom on earth has a date with destruction. And coming next summer? “Blonde. Jaymes Blonde” starring Pamela Anderson.

Now we get to find out who’s going home. Left are Niecy & Louis, Aiden & Edyta and Kate & Tony. Does Tony go free? The next couple safe is .... AUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! Kate & Tony???!!!! I got a text message - “How does that talentless bitch keep squeaking through?” I don’t know, honestly. Unless people like the drama. Oh, bummer, it’s Aiden & Edyta going home. The men will miss Edyta’s (non) costumes and us women will miss Aiden’s good looks. He gets a standing O from the audience, who remain standing for his interview and “memory lane” clip. I think we see Aiden’s mom in the audience, who looks to be crying, and Aiden even gets a bit verklempt talking about Edyta. The other couples let them dance alone for quite a while, too, and don’t mob them like other couples.

So when will America wise up and get rid of Kate? Does Nicole still look like a shoo-in to win? Tune in next week - LIVE!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Passion Night! Rumba and Tango and Sex and Hotness and....Less Clothes! (And Kate Still Sucks)

It’s the amazing double score night! And Passion Night! It will all happen ... LIVE! From Hollywood!

Oh goodness. Brooke’s dress is pretty ugly. The color looks faded, and those stripe thingies aren’t flattering at all. And Edyta does not disappoint, she’s mostly naked! Kate mouths “I love you” as the camera pans by ... hopefully it’s her last chance to do so!

The judges sit around a table in some ominous light (which Tom calls “Vincent Price lighting”), talking about the dances and dancers. “The Tango is all about love, and hate, fire and ice.” says Len. They talk about how the Tango may be better for Kate than the Paso Doble, and that she has to trust Tony. Erin has to watch her “death grip” on Maks. Jake hasn’t shown enough performance, even with good energy. A key to Tango is precision - and watching Evan, his footwork gets sloppy. Len wants to see passion, drama and intensity in the Tango. The moves they must do are revealed: Viennese crosses, a continuous outside swivel, and a contra check. Jonathan and Anna D. will demonstrate the moves and a proper Tango. We’re shown the graphic words of the moves as they do them, thankfully, because I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea of what was what!

Erin & Maks are up first with their Tango. Len gave each couple pointers after the show last Tuesday, and he told Erin “from the ankle up, you sure look sweet. From there down you have sloppy feet.” Maks tells Erin that the Tango is complicated footwork, and Erin deadpans “And Len says I stink. So, I’m excited!” Erin tells Maks she’s really paranoid because Len freaks her out. Maks tries to tell her to forget Len. Erin has pain in her back and Maks insists that the doctor come in, and he says she may have a rib contusion, but she should be okay. As they prep for their dance, Tom tells us that we’ll “see why Len has a big smile on his face.” Erin begins the dance behind Len, groping him, and yes, Len is smiling! She’s got her bottom lip sticking out, and she looks like she’s pouting more than being intense. Will Len like all this “messing about?” Len says each couple will get a score out of 10 for their technique, and a score out of 10 for their performance - and he then says “I thought the start was brilliant.” (Of course, he doesn’t mind the “messing about” when they’re “messing about” with him!) He liked the content this week, and thought it was very good, although she’s doing too many steps on her toes. Bruno said “I know you want to please Len, but where is the Tango? I thought you were going to give him a lap dance.” She began aggressive like a murderess, but then she went wrong. Carrie Ann thinks her performance suffered because of her concentration on her technique, and Erin managed the “death grip” on Maks even with her arm underneath his. Their technical scores: 6-6-6=18 (to a chorus of boos, of course). Maks wanted 12's! Performance scores: 7-7-7=21. Erin doesn’t think it looks good, and wants their friends to vote! They have a total of 39.

Before the commercial we get little clips of the past week. Aiden & Edyta are outside in the sun and she rips his shirt open for a bunch of screaming women. Chad & Cheryl aren’t being romantic enough in practice, and Chad can’t figure it out “with all this romantic chocolate.” Kate is talking to Tony (who looks like he wants to commit suicide): “That’s how I’ve been living for two years, this custody stuff being laid out in public. That’s what I bring here and I can’t let go.” Well, Kate, maybe the audience will do everyone a favor - especially Tony - and let you go ... HOME to your kids!

Evan & Anna are up next. They like being at the top, but after last week, Len told him to tuck his butt and watch his feet. Evan isn’t worried about the performance aspect, but he’s concerned about the technique. His two broken toes are a concern, but “he’s an Olympic athlete, he can work through it.” Evan tells Anna “if I don’t do it right, break another toe. Three’s my lucky number anyway.” They begin on a chair and spend a bit more time on it than Len may like. Evan is right, his performance is doing well - but I’m watching his bum, and it’s sticking out a bit (although I can see him cognizant of it and straightening up to tuck it in, too). I also notice he actually has a bum, and it’s pretty nice! Did Anna just slip a little, or was that a move? Bruno calls it “strong, powerful, with a hint of catlike arrogance.” He says Evan worked on his feet, and it paid off. Carrie Ann says Evan is a great example of how working on the technique boosts a performance. Len watched the Viennese crosses (which are the hardest), and says Evan nailed that part. Sounds like more good scores are coming! Evan had to go out of town last week and he’s grateful that “I have a partner who can work with my schedule.” Their technical scores: 9-8-9=26 - and their performance scores are like a broken record: 9-8-9=26. Their total is 52.

Now we get to see what the judges want from the Rumba. Len says it’s a “dance of love.” But how will Pamela Anderson go - romantic or raunchy? Bruno says she has sex in her blood, so if she polishes her technique, “we could be in for a treat.” Chad’s posture is a concern, and he has to remember that he’s not alone with Cheryl, but has to perform for everyone. Nicole & Derek have to watch out, because a Rumba is slow, and they shouldn’t go for the wow factor. Niecy has to watch it because when she has the top line going, her feet fall apart, and when her feet are right, the top falls apart. You can’t be wooden in the Rumba, so Aiden will have to relax. We get to see Dmitri and Kym Johnson (in a bra and panties, and guys’s shirt - if I was into girls, I’d be pretty hepped up right now!) Will demonstrate the moves: Opening Out, Sliding Doors (which I really don’t understand, there are no doors anywhere in sight!) And Spiral Into Rope Spin. At least the Tango moves looked like what they were called! Tom says they showed us “three special moves and 2% body fat.”

Niecy & Louis will begin the Rumba dances. She’s taping a show of Clean House and Louis walks through a mess of a house and says “I’m glad I’m not Niecy.” He declines to stick around and help her clean the place. Louis tells her the Rumba is very romantic, and he wants to dedicate the dance to Niecy, but she’ll have to go back about 17 years in time. He was talking about her brother Michael, who passed away then. I don’t know that that was very nice of Louis, maybe getting her all worked up, but I see his reasoning as he explains that Niecy is working 10-12 hour days and then rehearsing, and keeping her brother in her mind is pulling her through. Niecy says she’s got “an angel (her brother) and some caffeine - I can make it!” (It just hit me - Niecy the comedian and Louis the gay guy are trying to be romantic.....) Niecy does her slow, fast, fall move really well, but it gets ruined by the fabric hanging off her arm and covering her face. The dance is really wonderful, and they seem to pull it off. Niecy looks like she's crying at the end of it (from happiness of a good job or that it’s over?) Len says she had lovely arms and musicality, but he wishes there was more hip action and there were no highlights - “a bit boring.” Bruno thinks Niecy looked like she was in a trance, and above the boos, he says “the hips never happened.” Carrie Ann appreciates the emotional connection but “it didn’t read well in the dance” and said the Sliding Doors were nice. In the Celebraquarium, Niecy says she wanted people to know there was “life on the other side.” Their technical scores are to a chorus of boos: 6-6-6=18. Performance scores are just as bad: 6-6-6=18, for a total of 36. I think Niecy got robbed! (And those makeup people have to take it easy on her eyelashes - it looks like she can barely keep her eyes open!)

Next up are Aiden & barely-clothed Edyta. After last week’s show, Len tells Aiden to “come out and perform.” He wants to find a way to overcome his fear. Edyta tells Aiden “to act like you want to grab me from behind” and not be so “light” about it. They go to a ship where there is an event for fans to meet soap stars. Edyta figures making him dance in front of them will put him under pressure way more than the live show. They’re all yelling for Aiden to take his shirt off and he does and looks very nice doing so! He’s looking good on the dance floor, too - his arm movements look good, and his acting is there. He started great, but seems a little wooden in the middle, but makes a nice recovery toward the end. How nice, Susan Lucci is in the audience cheering him on! Carrie Ann starts with the positives: he’s more comfortable and connected to the performance. But, his movements were coming from his shoulders. Len said he acted out the dance, but there was no flow to it, “it was all stop and start.” He’s not very nice - “Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, you come out and do that.” Bruno liked the “stills” but “when you started dancing, it was like stop motion animation.” He says it didn’t flow. I don’t know what he was watching, it looked good to me! Brooke invites them into the “nice” room and asks Aiden if his fans gave him any advice, and he says they told him to smile more, because he looks moody, like he’s going to kill someone. Their technical scores are pathetic: 5-5-5=15. Edyta appeals for votes. The performance scores are 6-6-6=18, and gives them a 33 for the night, and the audience is booing mightily. Tom asks the judges if they want some orange juice or a candy bar to get their blood sugar up.

Nicole & Derek are going to Rumba next. Nicole is scared about the Rumba, the dance of love, and Derek says “love is scary sometimes.” They’re having problems because they keep laughing as they’re trying to be romantic - which Derek says is because Nicole is trying to cover up the fact that she truly loves him. Len gave it to them last week, saying “Nicole, you’re like a Ferrari, but you can’t drive a Ferrari at 200 miles per hour all the time. You need to find balance.” Before the commercial, we see Jake & Chelsie bumming about being in the Bottom Two and then falling during practice. And then we get to see Tony’s pain again, with Kate whining about her problems. (*rolling eyes* and trying not to throw up) Nicole does a really cool move at the beginning of her dance, spinning as she “falls” into Derek’s arms. You know, it’s really hard to describe some of these moves!) I’m just amazed that she can concentrate on dancing, and not falling out of her dress. Is it me, or does this dance seem a little shorter than the others? Bruno gets to begin, and calls Nicole an “unobtainable object of desire.” He says that there were a few stumbles, and he knows she’s trying to please Len, but he wants a little more sex. Carrie Ann thinks Nicole was nervous tonight, because her ankles were quivering all over the place. She had less hyperextension and overexaggeration so that was good. Len said her balance was correct between the technique and performance but her Sliding Door was overextended. Brooke says “the judges aren’t showing the love tonight.” She gives Derek a dig by saying he was hardly the leading man when Brooke danced with him, and nothing’s changed. Nicole says Derek is a leading man, in his mind. Their technical scores are pretty good: 9-8-8=25. The performance scores: 8-8-9=25, for a total of 50.

Hey! Warren Sapp is in the audience! He was fun.... I wonder if the show invites them back or if the past dancing stars want to come.

Jake & Chelsie
are going to Tango. The judges liked his dance last week but he still ended up in the Bottom Two. He shows up to practice in a t-shirt that says “Turn up, keep up, shut up” and on the back, “trust your pro.” He tells Chelsie that he had a problem letting go and trusting her, but he would do better. He tells her “I can’t do it” and is made to do pushups with Chelsie on his back. He’s having problems with his Viennese Crosses and that’s how they end up on the floor. He looks pretty good - posture is good, hold is good - and they do a great move walking up the steps and walking back down as they spin. But oh no! He seems to turn his ankle and spends a few bars stumbling and trying to keep up. Wow, he was doing so well! Len liked that he attacked the dance and his enthusiasm, saying he attacked the dance, but because of that maybe that’s why he stumbled and it all started to fall apart. Len liked the attitude, though. Bruno said it was very, very, very messy - his posture and footwork were questionable. Carrie Ann thinks he’s still dancing his own dance, even when he’s holding Chelsie - they’re missing the connection. She liked his dance tonight, though - “I thought you were really into it.” (Kate & Tony are backstage, coming up next, and their posing includes Tony blocking her face with their dance posture - looks good to me! Sorry, this woman just irritates me.) Coming back from commercial, Tom mentions that he talked to the judges and they’ve decided that everyone is on edge tonight. We see the technical scores: 6-7-6=19, and their performance scores are 7-6-6=19 for a total of 38. Jake says he thinks he got caught up in the choreography and his shoe slipped, but Chelsie told him to just keep going, and he did.

Kate & Tony are next. Kate says the judges are right, she’s a “true beginning dancer.” Tony feels Kate’s pain, saying that she has stuff in her real life that prevents her from doing it (letting go and dancing). Tony tells her that she’s on the show to prove a point this week - “if you fail, then he wins.” (Oh, man, Tony, don’t listen to her bullshit! Didn’t you ever watch her show? Jon wasn’t a winner by any means but she was a stone cold Bitch!) She’s just giving up, and poor Tony has to put up with her crap. She almost refuses to let Tony teach her because she’s being such a downer. Their Tango is awful - she has no rhythm, no movement aside from walking (the more I watch her, the more I feel sorry for Jon - I have a feeling she was a lump in bed). I will give Tony credit, he choreographed a GREAT move at the end! Bruno thinks Kate is having a mini-breakthrough - “you were actually dancing!” Kate is smiling and for once she looks really good. Bruno tells her not to get carried away - the technique is still bad, but “you’re actually starting to move out there!” Carrie Ann is proud of Kate. She has determination - “but what’s up with the semi lift at the end?” Len compliments Tony, saying that “when you have someone with no dance talent to produce Kate’s best dance so far.” She gets to Brooke and says “wow” and Tony laughs that “Kate is speechless, this is something.” Their technical scores are not any better: 4-5-5=14. For performance, they get 6-6-6=18, and they have a total of 32. So much for Kate’s happy face!

Chad & Cheryl will attempt a romantic Rumba. He thinks the Rumba will show women how good his hips are. “If you can’t cook, as long as you’ve got good hips, you’re all right.” Cheryl is on him about his posture. She says that sometimes it feels like he’s dragging her around the football field. Chad tells Cheryl that he loves her - “is it bad that I love her? After four weeks?” Cheryl hopes that he can “bring it” and shows off the $10,000 diamond ring Chad bought her. Chad looks very sexy in the dance - his hips are moving and his expression is okay, he looks intense at times, and then like he’s not paying attention at others. They end the dance on the higher stage in a pile of something white and fluffy, looks like a circle of feathers. Tom quips that he especially liked that Chad was romancing Cheryl and flirting with Carrie Ann during the dance. Carrie Ann says Chad turned on the heat, and it’s his best dance so far, his hip action was “woop woo.” Len quips “you were looking at Carrie Ann? I thought you were looking at me!” and cracks everyone up. He saw improvement in the posture and performance, and agrees it’s Chad’s best dance. Bruno asks Cheryl “what have you been doing this week?” He says the “hanky” (I think) was smoking tonight. He liked Chad’s lines and fluidity. Brooke asks Chad “what’s up with the ring?” Chad says it’s a thank you for what Cheryl has to endure all those hours. We get a close up and it’s pretty shiny! Technically their scores are okay: 7-6-8=21, and Cheryl is happy about their first 8 of the season. They get 8-7-8=23 for their performance scores, and it’s a total of 44.

Pamela & Damian wrap up the evening and will Rumba. After last week’s show, Len warned her that she needs to refine her dancing, because “the Rumba is a dance for the ballroom and not the bedroom.” She seems to have problems with the slower pace of the dance. Pam says dancing with a man is one of the sexiest things, and she doesn’t have a man in her life right now, so she loves Damien. (My hunny keeps insisting that Pam has been more than friendly with Damien all along). The dance is pretty romantic, and less sexy than it could be - until they get to the end and Pam does some sideways splits. Len said it was understated and that her spiral steps were very good. “For me, a little overdressed” but very good. Bruno offers “Pamela Anderson can offer refinement and elegance and still be drop-dead sexy!” He said it was technically the best dance she’s ever done. Carrie Ann thought there was something very profound happening - but her arms were strange. Tom even gets a hug as they go off and seems quite happy. Brooke asks Pam how it was with intense romance, and Pam tells her “I need intense romance, especially now.” She thinks she and Damien have good chemistry. Their technical scores: 7-8-8=23, and for performance they get 8-7-9=24. Their total is 47. Brooke asks Damien if he knows how jealous every man in America is, and Damien says “yes, and I enjoy every minute of it.”

Seeing the couples as they exit the show, Edyta looks like she’s ready to murder someone. The couples all have a “happy” face plastered on but after the judges spanked most of them, they don’t look really pleased.

The leader board looks like this:

52 - Evan & Anna
50 - Nicole & Derek
47 - Pamela & Damien
44 - Chad & Cheryl
39 - Erin & Maks
38 - Jake & Chelsie
36 - Niecy & Louis
33 - Aiden & Edyta
32 - Kate & Tony

So will Kate finally go home? C’mon, folks, she should, she really sucks at the dancing and her attitude is pretty damn bad too. Save Tony! The other not-so-good dancers can go another week!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

An American Icon He Is, But He Must Go Home Because He Cannot Dance

So, after last week’s shocking elimination, are we in for another surprise? Let’s find out....LIVE!!!

Brooke’s hair is very straight - not too keen on it but it’s still not the crazy hair lady’s best work.

All the couples are lined up on the ballroom floor - let’s get right to some results! The first couple safe to dance again is Aiden & Edyta. Also coming back next week are Erin & Maks. (yay for us Maks lovers!!) Both couples are very happy (although Edyta looked very surprised).

In the confessionals, Nicole said “I trusted Derek, he’s a great choreographer, but it’s all his fault” for their low scores. (They laughed about it). Len thought he should have given Erin & Maks a 6 instead of a 7. Kate said the “dancer” in her gave her a thumbs up. (That dancer is on crack).

Evan & Anna get to dance the encore tonight, no surprise there. It’s a great dance!

Reba McIntyre sings - she sounds great, and looks great too! She’s got a great plastic surgeon, I think she looks younger now! We’re treated to Edya, Maks, Val, and Snejana Petrova (so that’s how you spell it, huh?) dancing, and Tom tells us Reba’s country song was danced by three Russians and a Pole. Tom puts the microphone in Reba’s face and asks her who her favorites are, and she says Erin, Evan, and Nicole and complains about his putting her on the spot.

After Kate last night’s dances, we hear some stars talking: Kate says “I’m not afraid any more” and she’s going to “rock it from now on.” (A wise woman I know commented that Kate couldn’t keep a beat if you pounded it on her head!) Nicole says “we won’t break any more Len commandments.” We get to find out about another couple now: Niecy & Louis will be back next week!

I would really like to know what they did to Niecy’s, Pam’s, and Nicole’s eyelashes. They look so thick with the fake eyelashes it seems hard to keep their eyes open! Uh-oh, a crazy makeup lady is loose at DWTS!!

Tom announces Mark, Derek and Chelsie for the next number - they will dance to an acoustic guitar-playing duo, with a violinist thrown in for good measure. Watching Derek and Chelsie dancing, I’m wondering where Mark comes in, and find out that he’s one of the guitarists! And he’s pretty darn good! I love the Paso Doble Derek & Chelsie perform.

In the Celebraquarium, Niecy tells Brooke her dance next week is the Rumba, which is a slow tempo dance yet again. She’s really looking forward to shaking her tail feathers and her jiggly parts!

Next week’s judges’ challenge will have a “double score showdown.” Each dance will get two scores: one for technique and one for performance. Each couple will also have specific moves they will have to incorporate into the dance. Len says “Season 10 is turning into ‘season ten-sion.’” (Cute, Len, cute. Stick to being Mr. Crankypants.)

Nicole & Derek are told they are safe for next week and ... we go to a commercial.

Reba sings again, and Dmitri and Lacey dance and it’s all incredible. Melissa Rycroft was hanging out with the audience last night. She interviews some viewers, tells us that the audience has to be in place by 6:30 for an 8:00 show - but they get entertained. A comedian comes out to warm up the audience (and there was a shot of a really large man “shaking his tail feathers” which was not appetizing at all!) She interviews Cameron Matheson, who says he is still nervous, but now for Aiden rather than himself. They both agree that it’s much easier to be in the audience. (Duh).

We find out about two more couples - safe are Evan & Anna and Chad & Cheryl.

Backstage, Brooke interviews Nicole & Derek (who say they’re sorry for breaking the Len commandments, but they’ll be back next week and they’re going to repent), Evan & Anna talk about the challenge of learning a new dance and staying on top, and Chad & Cheryl talk about the Rumba being the dance of love, and Chad says “so why not make love on the dance floor?” Brooke is pretty klunky with the interviews - I’m actually starting to miss Samantha? Tom tells us that next week will be pay-per-view because of the “making love on the dance floor.”

We hear from the stars about the relationships they’ve made with each other. Niecy says she’s the mother of the group, who tries to encourage all “my thin children to eat!” She’s going to train them, one doughnut at a time. They’re all getting along well. Edyta tells Aiden that if he could move like Nicole, they would win the competition. Chad doesn’t want anyone to go home - “especially me.”

Another safe couple is announced: Pamela & Damien. The three remaining couples will have to sweat it out through the commercials to find out their fates. Coming back, we hear the first couple in the bottom two is Buzz & Ashly; joining them are Jake & Chelsie. (Keep making cracks to Chelsie about being disrespectful and see how far you get with the audience votes, Bubba!) Kate & Tony are safe? Tony’s fans must be keeping Kate around! Cue the icky music - who’s going home? Buzz & Ashly. Buzz said he did the show for the military, fighter pilots, and elder geezers like him. He also wanted to promote the space program of the future. He didn’t think he’d walk on the moon, but he really didn’t think he’d dance on TV. I like the guy a lot, he is an American icon, but he really, really looked pathetic attempting to dance.

So next week, we’ll see how the new challenges go - our couples will either sink or swim (er, - trip or dance?) But best of all, we’ll see it LIVE!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Waltz, Paso Doble, and Quickstep, and We See That Buzz and Kate Still Can't Dance - But at Least Buzz is Entertaining!

Another night in the Ballroom - it's DANCING WITH THE STARS!!!

All the couples come down the steps, minus Shannen & Mark. Pam Anderson is waggling her hips something fierce! Chelsie has a dark wig on and you can’t really tell it’s her. Tonight, the couples have to tell a story with their dances. We see Kate & Tony practicing the Paso Doble, and they will dance to a song called “Paparazzi.” Might as well let Kate channel some of that bitchiness into a dance, she’ll probably nail it! Maks is making Erin practice her Waltz blindfolded. Niecy & Louie will tell the story of an interracial couple in the 60's, and Niecy is emotional because it would be awful if she couldn’t see her boyfriend because society said so. And we’ll see all of this, and more ..... LIVE!

Jonathan and Anna D come out to dance with Lacey and Maks’ brother, Val, and Dmitri and Jhanna (best I can do with Tom’s pronounciation), to demonstrate the storytelling aspect in the dances of the night. They begin with a Waltz, and move into a Paso Doble, then finish up with Quickstep. So will the couples be able to come up with a good enough story to please the judges, along with a good dance?

Evan & Anna are going to begin the night with a Quickstep. Evan tells Anna he wants her to explain it to him in a thick Russian accent, it’s a simple pleasure for him. (Pretty easy, this guy). Anna explains that they have to be theatrical and act out the dance, and as Evan says “I looovve me some acting” he really looks pretty lecherous. Jonathan is gonna come in there and kick his ass! They’re going to “play” a married couple, and Evan is upset because Anna is late. Evan does a few steps himself as the music starts, pretty ballsy! Their dance is really great, if you ask me. Len is happy, saying they totally got the story. “As all men, waiting for a lady to show up, and when she does, you’re euphoric.” He liked it a lot, but tells Evan to work on his feet. Bruno rises out of his chair, telling Evan “she may have made you wait, but you gave her the ride of her life and then you dumped her.” He tells Evan to watch his feet and “keep your bum underneath you.” Carrie Ann called it energetic and light, and with his “acting” at the beginning, stressing about “where is Anna?” he fooled the judges. In the Celebraquarium, we find out Evan broke a couple of toes this past week. Their scores: 9-8-9=26.

Before the commercial, we see the stress our couples are having - Chad and Cheryl and sniping at each other, Nicole looks ready for tears with Derek, Kate is - of course - crying, and Chelsie is talking to Jake and he storms out of the studio. My, my, aren’t our stars temperamental this week!

Buzz & Ashly will Waltz next. They will be a returning war hero and his daughter greeting him as he comes home (of course). After Bruno’s remarks about Buzz’s Fox Trot last week, saying it looked like he was avoiding craters on the moon, Buzz said “he’s never been to the moon, how would he know what it’s like to avoid craters?” He’s says he’s a slow absorber so he videos Ashly going through the dance so he can practice at home. She tells him to stop thinking so much and just let go. They want better scores so they don’t have to rely on the fans so much. The dance starts out really sweet, they’re acting pretty well. Unfortunately, Buzz then has to dance, and he’s as bad as ever. He’s flat-footed and out of rhythm, but they get a standing ovation from the audience. Bruno begins, saying it was more like “the return of the king - royal and dignified.” He then compares Buzz to a statue, saying it would be better if he was standing still. Carrie Ann doesn’t know if his dancing improved but the story was wonderful. Len said it had an innocent charm about it, but the technique was poor and the dancing was oversimplified. Buzz acts like he’s going to toss his hat at Len and Tom ushers them off to the Celebraquarium. Brooke asks Buzz how it feels to take the judges’ criticism, and he says “I think they’re right.” He does know the emotional story was a good one, though. Their scores are just as lousy: 5-4-4=13. Tom picks up Buzz’s duffel bag and tells him to toss that at Bruno instead.

Jake & Chelsie are up next, with a “mummy inspired” Quickstep. He’s going to open up a tomb and discover Cleopatra. Chelsie gets frustrated, and Jake can’t learn when he’s frustrated. He walks out so he doesn’t snark back at Chelsie, and tells her she sounds very disrespectful when she yells at him. (Poor baby!) They do a walk across the floor waggling their heads and that’s a pretty good move. In the end, she shuts him up in the tomb, and it’s pretty cute. His dancing wasn’t bad either, let’s see what the judges say. Carrie Ann like the storytelling, but said his legs were “a little funky.” Len said his legs were bent and that messed up his posture for the Quickstep, but he liked the production and the entertainment. Bruno liked “Indiana Jake and the Queen of the Nile chasing each other all over.” He does lose his frame, but the performance was very good. Brooke asks about the communication between the two, and Jake says it’s important when “you’re thrust into a relationship with someone for 6-8 hours a day.” Their scores are okay: 7-7-7=21.

Before the break we see Pam Anderson, who will be dancing the Paso Doble, learning how to stomp with Charo, saying “I think it’s a dance with the devil.” Hmm, that oughta be interesting!

Niecy & Louis are up. They’re going to dance a Waltz. We see them practicing, and Niecy says “I’m standing here, looking for the love of my life....he’s white? What the hell?” She just cracks me up! She pours out her heart about not being able to be with her boyfriend because he’s not black, and Louis tears up also. Niecy says the story belongs to a lot of people, and she wants America to see it. The dance begins really soft and beautiful - Niecy definitely can act! She’s missing a few steps here and there, though, looks a little clunky. Louis really choreographed this dance beautifully, though. Len said he thought it was daring to try to tell a story with no props, and he thinks they pulled it off. He wants Louie to work on Niecy’s technique, though. Bruno called it “a tale of love against all odds” and said they acted it very well, but she stumbled at the beginning. She needs to work on her feet. Carrie Ann says she stumbled because she was trying to keep her feet on the ground as Louie spun her around, and it was appreciated. She was confused about how they told the story though. Niecy tells Brooke she isn’t used to people seeing her cry, she’s usually pretty funny, and she was really emotional. Louie adds that the world has come a long way, but they believe that there’s still a ways to go, because everyone should have the right to get married. (Methinks maybe Louis is coming out to the world?) Their scores: 7-7-7=21.

Chad & Cheryl will dance a Paso Doble. In his confessional last week, Chad says the scores were right “for the bullcrap I pulled tonight.” They talk at rehearsal about having a bad football game, but bouncing back and re-energizing with the basics. Cheryl tells him that instead of the typical matador killing the bull, he will be trying to seduce her but she wants nothing to do with him. Chad says “that sounds familiar.” He says in this dance art imitates life, “for real. I keep trying and I keep getting rejected.” Chad is getting frustrated because he’s a perfectionist at football, but having problems learning to dance. Cheryl did a good job with the choreography, and I think it looked pretty intense. He’s not the best at the dancing yet, but I see an improvement. Bruno yells “Chad, you released the Kracken!” He saw presence, power and determination, but he needs to be careful, because “sometimes you dance like a Kracken.” Carrie Ann said he was focused in on Cheryl like a laser and it worked perfectly. He needs to work on his shoulders, but he’s “miles ahead” of last week. Len offers that he was much better than last week with a dominating dance, but tells Cheryl to work on his posture. After the commercial, Jonathan and Tony are dressed in gaucho clothes and they do the “Three Amigos” move, with a pelvic thrust at the end, and it’s funny! Their scores: 7-6-7=20. Chad says last week was a humbling experience, and he liked the Paso Doble this week to get some aggression out and show his “cocky, arrogant side.” (That’s the Chad Ochocinco the football fans know!)

Pam & Damien are up. She cried all night after being in the bottom two. They’re dancing a Paso Doble, and she will be a flamenco dancer who is in love with the matador, but is totally against what he stands for. It hits home for her, because she’s an animal activist and thinks bullfighting is awful. Charo comes in because she’s a flamenco dancer to give Pam some pointers, and tells her not to look down - “anyway you can’t see your feet with your big maracas.” Charo is pleased because she sees passion. The dance is pretty good, I see passion too! Tom quips “I do not want to make you mad.” Carrie Ann definitely got the story, and says Pam has a certain artistry and knows her body well, but this time she “threw a little too much into it” and threw herself off. Len thinks she had some nerves after being in the bottom two, but loved the focus and intensity. She needs refinement. Bruno calls it “like the Gypsy Queen played by Bridget Bardot at her peak.” He says under the sex bomb exterior, she has the ability to do it, and he wants her to come back and prove it to everybody. Pam says she’s having a great time and wants to come back and keep doing it, and doing it....their scores: 7-7-7=21.

Aiden & Edyta will dance a Quickstep. After last week, Aiden got sick after the performance and puked in a garbage can. He realized that after Buzz was safe and Pam was in the bottom two, anything could happen and he wants to stay in the competition. Their story will be that he’s a painter, who is painting the woman of his dreams and she materializes. He’s dying at rehearsals, though, considering the Quickstep is so fast and he’s doing it constantly 6 hours a day. Edyta brings Aiden’s wife and baby girl in for his birthday, and it perked him up “and made my Quickstep a lot quicker.” The music isn’t a Quickstep beat, though, it’s kind of disjointed and it looks like Aiden feels it too, and messes up a little at the beginning. Len says “the Quickstep should be carefree, and this seemed careful.” The audience boos but Len wants Aiden to go for it. Len mentions that there was a “bit of an incident” and Aiden tells him that his mike (microphone) dropped. Bruno thought he looked as happy as a clam compared to last week. Aiden’s posture was better and Bruno saw an improvement. Carrie Ann agrees, saying Aiden’s confidence is growing but he may have been a little too light on his feet. In the Celebraquarium, Aiden says it’s a very hard dance, especially to learn in five days. He’s working his butt off, “literally.” Their scores: 7-6-7=20.

Erin & Maks will Waltz. Maks tells Erin it’s close to a Fox Trot so she can keep developing her frame. Erin will dance it blindfolded, and she’s supposed to give herself to Maks and trust him. He keeps telling her “let me take you for a ride, just enjoy it.” They have a blindfold backstage before their dance, and Erin puts it around Maks’ mouth (heehee). I thought that was just for practice, but I guess she’s going to actually dance on the floor with a blindfold. The dance stars with her able to see, and Maks ties on the blindfold, which Erin said could “look really hot or really kinky” and I’ll go with hot. She’s doing a pretty good job, actually - although I don’t know what the story is supposed to be. Bruno gives Erin “you kinky thing” a warning - “it starts with a blindfold and you could end up in handcuffs.” He liked the dancing in hold, but not when she’s on her own. Carrie Ann called it beautiful storytelling, and the prop was “really profound.” But Carrie Ann said Erin’s hand grip gave away that maybe she wasn’t trusting Maks as much as she should have. Len called it “the most boring start I’ve ever seen.” He said the Waltz they did was great, but there wasn’t enough of it, and gets booed soundly by the audience. During Tom’s intro into the commercial, Maks blindfolds Tom, who gets through his intro and says it was “all from memory.” (It just proves how good he really is and how far Brooke has to go). Their scores: 8-7-8=23. Brooke asks “how much trust did it take to go into a room with Maks blindfolded?” Maks says “I had candle light and wine, and everything.”

Kate & Tony get to dance a Paso Doble. In their confessional, Tony mentions that they were supposed to go up, instead of down with their scores, and Kate says “I was hoping you wouldn’t notice.” She’s close to the song, Lady Gaga’s “Paparazzi,” and Tony wants her to let her feelings out instead of keeping them bottled up. He brings in an acting coach to bring her emotions out and become someone else. The acting coach wants her to be mad, but she’s not even looking at Tony, so Tony takes Kate to a punching bag and it seems to help. They should have told her to think about Jon, and she’d get plenty mad! It doesn’t end up helping in their dance, though, she’s not forceful at all. She’s got the mean look, but no toughness or passion. Sorry, she just sucks. Carrie Ann calls it “odd.” She said it was very hard to watch, saying that the emotion didn’t get to her face. Len said she got through the dance, and got through her nerves, but there was no passion or drama - “it was all very pedestrian.” Bruno thought she played the character of “the super bitch from hell” with a face like thunder, but says it has to translate to the dance, it looked like she was walking. Tom quips that “the super bitch from hell was the compliment.” Every time I see Kate, I feel more sorry for Tony. Brooke mentions that people don’t realize how hard dancing really is, but asks if Kate is having fun, and she says yes, despite the feedback. Their scores make me even sadder for Tony: 5-5-5=15.

Nicole and Derek will round off the evening with a Quickstep dressed as Navy folks who are “slacking off.” The 10s last week make Nicole nervous, because “where do we go from here?” They go to practice on a boat, and she stands on a platform on the boat “Titanic” style, with Derek behind her, but when Nicole bends over her butt clobbers Derek in the face and he goes flying. Nicole is looking forward to having fun, with a slapstick-type dance, but she’s getting frustrated - although Derek says she’s just as scared as everyone else and needs to lighten up. Their dance is fun, and goes with their story - they toss their mops and dance around the floor. Obviously he was watching the judges, because Tom says “I hope you absorbed all that applause because here comes the whooping.” Len says they took the title of the song too literally (“Anything Goes”) because he got the story, but no Quickstep. “You broke the rules, the hold, it was all Vaudeville - you had a lift.” Bruno said as a performance it was incredible, but he agrees with Len that they should have at least kept the hold all the way through. Carrie Ann says “Lift? Eh. Broke the hold? Eh. You take that on the road, and I’ll have a front row seat.” Nicole says that they just wanted to have fun, and didn’t want to disrespect anyone. Their scores are an eclectic conundrum: 8-6-9=23. (How did Bruno give them a 9 after that review?)

After the judges’ scores, here is the leader board:

26 - Evan & Anna
23 - Nicole and Derek
23 - Erin & Maks
21 - Jake & Chelsie
21 - Niecy & Louis
21 - Pam & Damien
20 - Chad & Cheryl
20 - Aiden & Edyta
15 - Kate & Tony
13 - Buzz & Ashly

So will Buzz rightfully go home tomorrow or are we going to put Tony out of his misery? Or will this be another someone-else-goes-home week? Make sure you vote and tune in tomorrow to see who gets axed!

WARNING: Big Brother Spoilers!

We watch the current season of Big Brother on CBS, Big Brother After Dark, and the Feeds. We watch all Big Brother 18 coverage and DVR it and watch it again. There will be posts about things we have seen from watching Big Brother 24/7. If you are a casual viewer of the CBS show-only or do not want to read any spoilers, do not read our posts dealing with After Dark and the Live Feeds.