Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Oldies are a Powerful Bunch! Surprises Abound!

The first results show of the season - and it’s all LIVE!!!

And (to paraphrase Len) we’re not messin’ about - Tom and Brooke will announce one couple who is safe, and one couple in the bottom two. Buzz & Ashly are ... SAFE! Okay, Chloris Leachman’s minions will keep him around for a bit. And who’s in the bottom two? Pamela & Damien!? Oh boy, this is already an interesting season! Tom tells us “that’s the kind of night it is.”

Len gives us his perspective on the stars so far. He thought Aiden improved. Jake is “one to watch.” Shannen needs more finesse and could probably do very well. Niecy was fantastic - “mama, this daddy loves you!” (In the confessional Niecy said she just had to kiss Len after his remarks - “but there was more in it for him than there was for me.”) Chad’s potential went down the toilet for Len. He thought Buzz did well for 80 years old, but the dancing wasn’t any good. Kate is letting her nerves get the best of her. (In the confessional she says “I’m not upset with myself.” You should be, lady, for what you’re doing to our beloved Tony!) Pamela got right into character (and pretty much stayed there all night). Erin’s posture was good and her dancing was fluid, Len wants to see that every week. Len didn’t expect Evan’s Jive to be any good, but he was pleasantly surprised. Nicole is a fantastic dancer.

The encore dance, of course, will be Nicole & Derek (not “Derek & Nicole” like Len said) and their Jive.

Our hot, sexy pros will dance a number that Michael Jackson’s choreographers choreographed especially for them. And it’s v-e-r-y nice!

Adam Corolla comes in and shows us favorite moments from last night. They include counting Buzz’s astronaut t-shirts (6). We see an interview with Chad & Cheryl, and Adam remarks “Chad - if you’re happy, someone needs to tell your face.” He thinks the peroxide dunk tank is getting to Pamela & Damien. He shows Edyta bashing Aiden’s face with her elbow - twice. “You crushed Jeff Ross’ orbital socket - is there a pattern here?” He listens to Bruno’s description of dancing on Elton John’s video for “I’m Still Standing” - “in the sun, with Elton John, in the south of France....” Adam then says that Bruno and Elton tomcatting around in the South of France must have bagged every chick in town! Until, of course, a stagehand whispers to him that both men are gay, to burst that bubble. Hee hee!

We find out about more couples: Aiden & Edyta and Niecy & Louis will be back next week. Tom tells us that two of the lowest-scoring couples are safe. Backstage Buzz tells Brooke his space program friends are keeping him in the competition, and the fact that he’s a patriotic guy, saluting the flag helps too. (Not really, but if he wants to think that way, it’s okay.)

John Stamos is playing drums with the Beach Boys tonight. I got though the first few bars and had to fast forward through it - saw them in concert years ago and I want to remember that, not the crap that’s onstage tonight. I hear young’uns saying that some bands should just hang it up when they’re past their prime, and for the Beach Boys, I have to agree!

We will be treated to “The Len Commandments.”

Thou shalt not kill ... time.
“This is a dance competition, sunshine, get on with the dance.”
Thou shalt not take the judges name in vain.
“We only criticize in the name of love.”
Thou shalt not steal ... dance moves.
Thou shalt not interrupt me. (Bruno)
“Nobody wants to see you gyrating and shaking your wobbly bits.”
Thou shalt not do lifts.
“Sergeant Carrie Ann is watching you.”
Thou shalt have rhinestones.
“Keep it sparkly, people.”
Thou may honor the judges.
“With gifts.”

Len thinks this cast is doing a good job, but they want next week’s dances need to show a story - without gimmicks and tricks. Hmmm, what will our couples come up with?

Another couple is safe: Evan & Anna. As the camera pans over Kate, she looks like she’s about to implode! (Reminds me of Karina).

Two more couples are safe: Jake & Chelsie and Nicole & Derek.

The Macy’s Stars of Dance feature dancers from Haiti, and we see a clip of the devastation down there. How terrible for those poor people!

Evan & Anna are interviewed backstage and Evan is happy to dance another week with his great partner. Brook asks Niecy how she feels that someone is going home. “I feel sick but hungry at the same time.” (I hope Niecy sticks around, she really is a hoot!)

We see how Brooke spends her day, and some behind-the-scenes info like her spray makeup and how she has people yelling in her ear to cut the interviews short.

The next couples safe are Erin & Maks along with Chad & Cheryl. That leaves Shannen & Mark and Kate & (poor) Tony to join Pam & Damien in the bottom two. Shannen actually looks bummed at the thought, and Kate is still looking plastic and petrified. So who’s safe? Kate & Tony! Kate screams and hugs Tony, and Tony is happy (sadist). So who goes home? Shannen & Mark. And what’s this? Tony is helping Mark down the stairs. I guess he’s hurt, he injured his knee in dress rehearsal yesterday and after an MRI finds out that the muscle separated from the bone and he’ll be out for six weeks. The plan was to have Shannen dance with Corky but it’s not gonna happen now. I feel bad for her Dad, who was having a great time watching her dance, but she wasn’t going to last a whole lot longer anyway. (The first six weeks or so are definitely popularity-driven, till we get down to the better dancers).

So, are you surprised? Did you do your patriotic duty and vote for Buzz to keep him in? Can we get him out next week, maybe? We’ll see how he does - LIVE!

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