Wednesday, March 4, 2009

ANTM - Cycle 12 - Episode 1 Recap

Tyra introduces us to Las Vegas. After eleven seasons of photos, drama, and Jade, Tyra announces that there are 34 finalists who go to Caesar’ Palace. The first girl we meet, Celia, is nervous and thinks the whole experience is insane. Allison can’t even remember other girl’s names; she feels quite awkward in the bus. Angelea is a bitch already to the other girls. Their bus arrives in front of roman soldiers. They part and the two Jays walk in. They explain Nike, being the goddess of victory and hope that the girls can transcend beyond a model into a goddess. Sandra calls herself an African goddess. Oh no, I think we found our villain. The girls run and find Greek-inspired outfits to wear. Kortnie is the only plus size girl and she’s worried.

Jay explains that there is a photoshoot for the girls. They have to do profiles, sounds easy enough. Celia is the oldest, at 25. Fo wants a hug from Jay. Sandra thinks that she stands out (I’m already over her). Isabella lacked a little bit of hand in her pose. Aminat reminds me of Stacy Ann from Cycle 12. Kathryn is nervous being the youngest contestant. Teyona is from Woodstown, NJ; nowhere near New York. Jay thanks them and they go on to the next task.

Miss Jay explains the next task for the girls: cloud model walks. Sandra smiles nervously. Angelea has funny hand posture. Tahlia is anxious. Alex swings her arms. Monique is a conspiracy theorist. London laughs at the bad walkers. Miss Jay thanks them, but doesn’t give a lot of criticism.

The two Jays talk to the girls and more Roman soldiers start marching. Tyra emerges from the line of Spartans, like a goddess. She announces that she’s the goddess of fierce. Who thinks up of these silly stories? She wants someone to light her chariot. What? Celia calls her extra-terrestrial. She wants the girls to pose; Sandra and Angelea get into a pose tiff.

Sandra starts off first and she’s in tears in front of the judges. She moved from Kenya. She loves her dark skin and Tyra loves the chocolate color. It’s definitely an asset. Jay loves her waistline. We have a street preacher, London, and she tries to convert the Jays to Christianity. They called her a hooker. I’m not even going to attempt a Jesus/Hooker joke. Jessica has never been called ugly in her life. Bitch. Tahlia has sacrificed some college time to do modeling. She has a story as a burn survivor. Hot water scolded herself when she was younger. Note to parents, don’t ignore your children. Tyra loves her cheekbones.

Our theorist, Monique, tries to talk about the Elites. She thinks that Pearl Harbor was set up. She also got a gun for her birthday. Lone Gunwoman? Her poses aren’t that bad. Natalie has never had to work, because her family is wealthy. She’s confident, and probably won’t mind if she doesn’t lose since she has money. Aminat walks in excited and her heartbeats through her neck. She’s 6’1, with 4” heels and 3” of afro. What is that 6’8? She walks tall and proud, unlike some taller contestants.

Some of the girls talk about weak walkers in the bunch. Aminat complains about Kathryn’s bad walk. Kathryn starts crying because of her panic attacks. Celia starts to break down Kathryn as well. Kathryn comes in and talks to the judges about her pen collection. What? She holds up a hot dog pen, a pickle pen, and a pizza pen. I wouldn’t hold that Hot Dog or Pickle, Tyra; you don’t know where they’ve been. Tyra asks her about 5 top models. She names Elle McPherson, who is not a model. She names off one model, and Tyra bashes her for not having enough knowledge. She’s just nervous. Tyra wants her to change into swimsuits and asks about designers. She emerges and actually knows designers.

Alex lived a portion of her life with harder times; her audition tape was even meaner. She explains that she has to be defensive. Isabella is fresh. She has epilepsy and seizures. She doesn’t want it to hold her back. Nijah is a prom queen; Tyra wasn’t. She poses with a scowl. She tries some tap with heels, but it ends up silly. Felicia, aka Fo, is mixed-race. She’s calls herself blaxican. Also note other possible options: I love the terms “Blasian” and “Blindian” She loves her freckles.

The girls walk into the well known casino buffets and the girls start talking. Angelea talks about her daughter. She is in tears because her daughter passed away. She had a seizure. She doesn’t want to go back to Buffalo.

Angelea walks in with her long nails. Trya wants her to take off her earrings and hair. How about the nails Tyra? She pulls it off and reveals a somewhat pretty girl. Miss Jay wants to know which My Little Pony she stole her hair from. Angelea explains that she slept in the Port Authority. She had $40 and slept there. Tyra thought that it was unsafe. Unsafe? That place is just rank.

Celia enters and swirls for the judges. She feels the youngest she’s ever been, but is the oldest competitor, at 25. They show an awkward picture of her as a little girl. She moved from Kentucky to New York because she wanted fashion in her life.

Kortnie likes eating cheesecake and likes to have a healthy body. She dated Dale Earnhardt Jr. They call her a pit lizard. She doesn’t want to be known as “that person’s” girlfriend.

Tatiana is afraid of Allison’s huge eyes. Allison walks in to Tyra and the Jays and she explains that she looks like a creepy doll. She also has a fascination for blood and laments never having nose bleeds. Jay is concerned that she will bust noses for the blood. Teyona grew up around with boys and animals. She’s a tom-boy, but she wants to be a model still. Jay thinks that there is something alien about her. (Remember: Alien, not Praying Mantis)

The next day passes and the girls walk to the Jays. They announce that they will cut 34 to 21 contestants. The girls will open boxes and hope that there are golden wreathes. They go to open the boxes and most people find wreathes. Several put their wreathes on backwards, more like a headband. Fo is in tears. Angelea talks in third person about herself (Dominique much?). Conspiracy theorist, Monique, doesn’t make it. Neither does Alex.

Next up is a photoshoot with Jay. He announces that each girl has a goddess that they have to convey. Allison looks like a deer in the headlights. (Someone get a screenshot of that). Jay sends them to the hair and makeup sections. The girls push each other.

London starts first and has justice. Fo has madness. Some girls ace their poses, others struggle. Sandra and Angelea start to argue because Angelea rolls her eyes at her. The two start complaining about their ugly feet. Jay has to come in to break the two apart. Angelea knows that it’s not professional, and she doesn’t want that to get to her. Jay explains that it’s all about learning about being a model. Angelea sits back and listens. She’s afraid that she’s coming off as “ghetto.”

Tyra and talks to the Jays about each girl. Aminat has grown on Jay. Allison is weird. Angelea couldn’t find the love. Isabella is cute. Celia has crazy eyes. Fo has beautiful freckles, but looks short. They continue to talk about Kathryn, Kortnie, Teyona, and London. Nijah defined friendliness. Natalie is mushed in the face. Sandra has a stunning profile and bone on her eye brow. Tahlia is an in-between model. She probably should gain weight so that she wouldn’t have to do much on the bikini side.

Tyra welcomes the girls and announces that the girls will be going to New York City. She calls Aminat first, quickly followed by Natalie, Fo, Allison, Tahlia, Celia, Nijah, London, Teyona, Kortnie, Isabella, Jessica, and Sandra (who lightly pushes Angelea out of the way). Tyra consoles the girls and thanks them. She then proceeds to dance with the girls. She announces that they will be going to the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

New York City. The girls walk around the city and Allison is excited. Isabella is from a small town and is even more excited. Sandra is really confident and thinks that some girls don’t even look like models. Celia (who looks like Lacey from Rock of Love) is excited to be the oldest. The girls go up the Empire State Building. The girls walk to Nigel and Paulina. Nigel hands the girls their keys to the house. Celia takes the keys and she’s given the opportunity to pick the first bed. There are high pitched screams from all the girls. The whole house is black and white. There’s a runway room for practicing.

All the girls walk in and Sandra picks the most secluded bed. Celia walks in and takes off Sandra’s bag. Sandra is pissed off. She announces that there are only 12 beds and will be taking it. Aminat is so lost on why Sandra is causing drama so early in the game.

Isabella explains the seizure medication. She has three months of medicine ready for her. Sandra announces that they are sharing the bed with Celia; Celia isn’t having this. London caves and decides to sleep on the bed; she knows that she will be around for at least another week. The girls get the opportunity to talk. Tahlia explains her burns to the other girls. Jessica is proud of her.

Tyra Mail. Isabella reads a mail about bridging good and bad. The girls emerge in the 59th street bridge. They are at Guastivinos. There is a fashion show that night and they will be studying a runway. Laura is from Abaete and announces that the girls will be the models. Allison is nervous. Laura explains the mix of innocence and naughtiness. They go to hair and makeup.

Sandra thinks her walk is an 8 or 9 (what, out of a 20?). Each girl either gets good or evil. Tahlia is upset that she has to wear a pantsuit because of her scars. The Jays explain a bad girl walk and a good girl walk for practice. Teyona feels confident. Miss J opens the show doing his bad walk. Each girl walks in. Isabella is worried about the strobe lights and her epilepsy. Isabella walks in and does a lot of neck work and triumphs past the flashes. Paulina makes a face past Tahlia’s walk. Allison’s walk is awkward.

Over-confident Sandra goes to walk and she trips her shoe half-way. She decides to play it off and poses. She turns around and walks back, without walking the other half. Natalie and Celia do decent walks. The girls walk out and clap to close the show.

In the house the girls talk about the competition. Isabella talks a little about the seizures. Tahlia is crushed about having to wear full clothes. Aminat tries her best to comfort her. The girls get ready for bed Celia asks about having children. Someone suggests mating with a Centaur (I’d go for the Old Spice Centaur myself). Sandra throws a fit about the girls talking. The girls are shocked and they go to the model walking-room. Isabella and a few complain about what a bitch she is. Oh yeah.

Tyra Mail. There is a childhood phrase. It’s a photoshoot. The girls arrive in Central Park and Jay emerges as Gay Robocop. He announces that the first photoshoot is “childhood games.” Tyra thinks that girls shouldn’t grow up too fast. There are some extra models being bad models. Fadil is the photographer. The girls go to hair and makeup.

Sutan suggests a trendy and teen hairdo. Fo is a preschool teacher and hopes she could channel it. The extras are preggo, ghetto girl, and punk. London has tug of war and she falls in mud. Tahlia is too stiff playing tag. She explains to Jay to be an inspiration. He thinks it’s a little too contrived and insecure. Tahlia thinks that she’s shamed herself.

MLAACG – McKey maintains her signature pose, but looks like a real model. She looks like she actually has potential. I hope she’s not going to bake muffins.

Natalie feels nerdy and has wings behind her. She has leap frog and has a fun time. Sandra wants to be fun while she hides behind a tree. She has tension in her shoulders. Kortnie also has tension problems with monkey bars. Her arms and knees lock funny when she takes pictures. Aminat is coming off as too mean; Sandra thinks that she’s too normal. Nijah’s musical chairs are funny; she channels a little kid who plays with her skirt. Allison has double dutch and she channeled her jumps and poses. She has no clue how to play. Teyona jumps and forces her neck too far back in hopscotch. Celia looks silly using the hula hoop, she also doesn’t know how to play. Isabella has dodge ball and bends too far down. She starts to lose her grace and takes it too literally. Jessica has never played jacks, but depends on her safe poses. Jay thinks that she channeled the other girl’s poses.

The Tyra mail announces that judging will be upon them. London is hoping that she doesn’t go home first (especially since she’s sleeping on the floor at the moment). The girls talk at the table and Sandra talks about being confidence. They point out that she didn’t walk far enough. Tahlia is terrified that she’s going home. She has a stiff neck and an insecurity.

Tyra has her little picture with a kid first. She announces the same prizes as last season. The judges are also still the same, no guest judges. Sandra is first. Miss J calls out her faux-pas on her walk. Tyra explains the girls being little girls and not teen moms. Her hide and go seek is not good enough. Nigel doesn’t think that she steps out. Tyra makes her remove her scarf.

Celia’s shot was hula hoop and she channeled the youthful Seventeen magazine look. Fo’s ring around the rosy is good, but not model-y. Aminat looks good, but her earrings are removed. Her face in the photoshoot is too hard. London has tug of war and she looks great. She knows where the light is.

Jessica has jacks and her angles are nice, but she doesn’t channel the game. Teyona has hopscotch and it’s pretty, but her neck is too far back. They suggest with her small shaped head that she push her head foward. Isabella has dodge ball and Nigel doesn’t get it. They tell her that she kept putting her hand in front of her face. Nijah has musical chairs and it looks like hopscotch. It definitely has a sparkle. Kortnie has monkey bars and it’s a little too parade (the damn knee). Allison’s double dutch is pretty and evokes innocence. The background girls seem bored with life. Tyra would have whooped those girls into shape. Especially that preggo.

Tahlia has tag and she also has the same knee bend that Kortnie had. Tyra asks about the clothing options, Paulina compliments her, but Tyra tells her the obvious truth. Natalie is too hippy and her headband causes a mark on her skin when she removes it. Natalie has a pretty shot, but it doesn’t display much of anything.

The judges deliberate. Sandra’s lost in the woods. Celia is missing fingers. Fo is not model-esque. Aminat is a good walker, but is bad in pictures. London has fun, but she has off proportions. Jessica’s shot is average. Teyona has another alien encounter. Isabella looks like a little person to Paulina and is forgettable. Nijah has the best face. Kortnie (why can’t it be Courtney?) has a nice face. Allison has the great eyes and Miss J is impressed. Tahlia underperforms. Natalie doesn’t show potential to Paulina.

Tyra announces the top girl with the digital art prize is Allison. She awkwardly walks back and is reprimanded. She is followed by Fo, Teyona, London, Celia, Nijah, Kortnie, Natalie, Aminat, Tahlia, and Jessica. The bottom two is Sandra and Isabella. Isabella’s photoshoot was bad. Sandra is reprimanded for her lack of runway skills and her disappointing photoshoot. Sandra is still safe. Tyra tells Isabella to practice. She hugs Isabella and she is dismissed. Isabella is disappointed but feels confident that she feels confident.

Next Week: Sandra and Aminat argue. The girls have makeovers. There’s obvious crying.

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