Tuesday, April 13, 2010

How Can America Keep the Crazy Drama Queen and Get Rid of a Hunk?????

Results night on Dancing With the Stars! After being blasted by the judges all night last night, which star’s fans will come through and keep them there? We’ll wait and see, and we’ll see it LIVE!!!!!!

Tom and Brooke say hello and give a couple who is safe right away: Chad & Cheryl. Chad runs over to Jake and hugs him before he runs back to Cheryl for a peck on the cheek. The other couple safe is Jake & Chelsie - and after hugging Chelsie, Jake runs over and jumps into Chad’s arms. Len recaps Monday’s show. Maks is trying to figure out how Erin getting her foot caught in her dress for 3 steps out of the whole dance brings their score down to 6's. Len says it’s supposed to be a “war on the floor” but calls Niecy’s Rumba the “bore on the floor.” Niecy tells the confessional camera that she wants to stay, because all the fast dances are coming up and “all these skinny girls got nothing to shake.” Aiden admits that he was “emotionally stable but technically unstable.” Nicole is crying in the confessional and Derek reassures her. We see Jake’s stumble again and it looks like it really could have been ugly. Kate says she “really had fun out there.” Chad wants people at home to vote for him so he has longer to “win her heart.” (Assuming he means Cheryl). Len says Pam would look sexy mopping the floor (and I bet a gazillion dollars she doesn’t mop floors at all!)

Pam & Damien get to dance their Rumba for the encore. Pam looks pretty wasted - she’s been looking wasted the whole season, so I’m thinking that’s her natural look now...and is something going on with the audio? Is it my TV or them? There’s an echo on talking and singing. They fix it, then it comes back. How annoying, hopefully it’s them and my TV isn’t going kerflooey.

We see a filler clip of our celebrities finding out what it’s like to be “movie stars.” It’s a horror movie parody, where a guy in a Jason-like mask is scaring the stars - he rips off the mask and it’s Bruno! The movie is called “Tuesday the 13th.” Cute.

Sade is going to sing a song entitled “Baby Father.” Not even going to try and be interested. Brooke pronounced it “Shod-ay” and I always thought it was “Shar-day.” Oh well. Chelsie & Damien danced and it looked nice, even in fast forward.

We get a recap of the standings, and Kate says “this is fun. I wanna do this now.” You’re lucky you’ve been around as long as you have, woman! How dare you take 3 weeks of the show to decide you want to “do this now”? Aiden isn’t giving up, and Niecy wants to know “what’s up with the judges?” Erin is disappointed. Cheryl kisses Chad on the cheek and he complains “you’re not sending me off to school!” so she grabs his face to plant one on him - and the camera cuts away. Pam is inching her way up, and Nicole feels defeated (in second place, no less).

More results! The saved couple: Evan & Anna. Poor Erin looks really nervous. Tom introduces a clip we’ll see tonight of home movies of our pros as children. Anna says her parents are both pro dancers, and she’s been competing since she was 67. Chelsie hated dancing. We see pictures of Maks dressed in ridiculous costumes as a child, saying he couldn’t sing or act, and all the plays he was in, he was a mushroom or a tree. Derek trained in London with his sister Julienne and Mark Ballas, traveling all over the world. Louis tells us “if you’re not practicing, you’re competing or doing shows.” Cheryl and Edyta tell us how evil the dancers can be - elbowing each other and the like. “Hey, it’s a war out there.” Maks reveals that Tony got in a fight and got kicked out of a competition, and Tony explains that some guy stepped on his partner’s foot three times, on purpose, “so my natural instinct was to grab him and throw him into the audience.” (What a guy!) Tom tells us he’s amazed that Maks isn’t in therapy after some of those outfits. A bunch of kids are coming up to dance, and Mark says they’re the future of ballroom and very talented. They are kids, but not as young as I expected - they seems to be at least 14 and up (although the makeup on the girls can make them look a whole lot older than they are). They are really great! Mark Ballas choreographed the dance.

We get a filler clip titled “Cha Chablanca .” It’s a takeoff on Casablanca, and Evan is a skater “torn between and old love and his new love for the ballroom.” And his old love is Niecy! She tells the band “Play it again, Harold.” And Harold says “Play what?” Niecy looks at him and says “I don’t know!” If you’re looking for love, you don’t have to look farther than Cha Chablanca. Back for the commercial, we see the dancer that knows no boundaries - it’s Tony, smearing oil on his gorgeous body, putting on a headband and war paint. And the movie? “Glambo - First Dance.”

More couples staying until next week: Nicole & Derek and Pam & Damien. Tom ships Nicole & Damien off to talk to Brooke with Jake & Chelsie - and tells us that the only two couples that have been in the bottom two are safe - so that means a “favorite is going home tonight.” Jake tells Brooke that he feels for everyone left waiting to find out their fates. Nicole was upset last night that she let her nerves get the best of her. Tyler Peck and Nuttin But Strings will play the music for the principal ballerina from the NY Ballet doing a dance choreographed by a contemporary and hip hop choreographer. There are a bunch of guys, a few ballerinas, and it’s contemporary and hip hop, all right! The prima ballerina is the only one who still looks like she’s doing ballet. Pretty interesting!

Brooke talks to Kate & Tony backstage (giving up on the Celebraquarium so soon?) and she says last night was the first night she had so much fun, and she’ll cry if it’s over. Kate is thankful that Tony has been so patient with her. Chad isn’t a contender yet, but a work in progress, and “a woman loves a man that she can mold.” He does take this show seriously and he is “here to win.”

The next couple who is safe is: Erin & Maks (yay!). Chad is “00 Chelcinco.” He’s in a race against time because the last ballroom on earth has a date with destruction. And coming next summer? “Blonde. Jaymes Blonde” starring Pamela Anderson.

Now we get to find out who’s going home. Left are Niecy & Louis, Aiden & Edyta and Kate & Tony. Does Tony go free? The next couple safe is .... AUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! Kate & Tony???!!!! I got a text message - “How does that talentless bitch keep squeaking through?” I don’t know, honestly. Unless people like the drama. Oh, bummer, it’s Aiden & Edyta going home. The men will miss Edyta’s (non) costumes and us women will miss Aiden’s good looks. He gets a standing O from the audience, who remain standing for his interview and “memory lane” clip. I think we see Aiden’s mom in the audience, who looks to be crying, and Aiden even gets a bit verklempt talking about Edyta. The other couples let them dance alone for quite a while, too, and don’t mob them like other couples.

So when will America wise up and get rid of Kate? Does Nicole still look like a shoo-in to win? Tune in next week - LIVE!

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