Monday, April 12, 2010

Passion Night! Rumba and Tango and Sex and Hotness and....Less Clothes! (And Kate Still Sucks)

It’s the amazing double score night! And Passion Night! It will all happen ... LIVE! From Hollywood!

Oh goodness. Brooke’s dress is pretty ugly. The color looks faded, and those stripe thingies aren’t flattering at all. And Edyta does not disappoint, she’s mostly naked! Kate mouths “I love you” as the camera pans by ... hopefully it’s her last chance to do so!

The judges sit around a table in some ominous light (which Tom calls “Vincent Price lighting”), talking about the dances and dancers. “The Tango is all about love, and hate, fire and ice.” says Len. They talk about how the Tango may be better for Kate than the Paso Doble, and that she has to trust Tony. Erin has to watch her “death grip” on Maks. Jake hasn’t shown enough performance, even with good energy. A key to Tango is precision - and watching Evan, his footwork gets sloppy. Len wants to see passion, drama and intensity in the Tango. The moves they must do are revealed: Viennese crosses, a continuous outside swivel, and a contra check. Jonathan and Anna D. will demonstrate the moves and a proper Tango. We’re shown the graphic words of the moves as they do them, thankfully, because I wouldn’t have the foggiest idea of what was what!

Erin & Maks are up first with their Tango. Len gave each couple pointers after the show last Tuesday, and he told Erin “from the ankle up, you sure look sweet. From there down you have sloppy feet.” Maks tells Erin that the Tango is complicated footwork, and Erin deadpans “And Len says I stink. So, I’m excited!” Erin tells Maks she’s really paranoid because Len freaks her out. Maks tries to tell her to forget Len. Erin has pain in her back and Maks insists that the doctor come in, and he says she may have a rib contusion, but she should be okay. As they prep for their dance, Tom tells us that we’ll “see why Len has a big smile on his face.” Erin begins the dance behind Len, groping him, and yes, Len is smiling! She’s got her bottom lip sticking out, and she looks like she’s pouting more than being intense. Will Len like all this “messing about?” Len says each couple will get a score out of 10 for their technique, and a score out of 10 for their performance - and he then says “I thought the start was brilliant.” (Of course, he doesn’t mind the “messing about” when they’re “messing about” with him!) He liked the content this week, and thought it was very good, although she’s doing too many steps on her toes. Bruno said “I know you want to please Len, but where is the Tango? I thought you were going to give him a lap dance.” She began aggressive like a murderess, but then she went wrong. Carrie Ann thinks her performance suffered because of her concentration on her technique, and Erin managed the “death grip” on Maks even with her arm underneath his. Their technical scores: 6-6-6=18 (to a chorus of boos, of course). Maks wanted 12's! Performance scores: 7-7-7=21. Erin doesn’t think it looks good, and wants their friends to vote! They have a total of 39.

Before the commercial we get little clips of the past week. Aiden & Edyta are outside in the sun and she rips his shirt open for a bunch of screaming women. Chad & Cheryl aren’t being romantic enough in practice, and Chad can’t figure it out “with all this romantic chocolate.” Kate is talking to Tony (who looks like he wants to commit suicide): “That’s how I’ve been living for two years, this custody stuff being laid out in public. That’s what I bring here and I can’t let go.” Well, Kate, maybe the audience will do everyone a favor - especially Tony - and let you go ... HOME to your kids!

Evan & Anna are up next. They like being at the top, but after last week, Len told him to tuck his butt and watch his feet. Evan isn’t worried about the performance aspect, but he’s concerned about the technique. His two broken toes are a concern, but “he’s an Olympic athlete, he can work through it.” Evan tells Anna “if I don’t do it right, break another toe. Three’s my lucky number anyway.” They begin on a chair and spend a bit more time on it than Len may like. Evan is right, his performance is doing well - but I’m watching his bum, and it’s sticking out a bit (although I can see him cognizant of it and straightening up to tuck it in, too). I also notice he actually has a bum, and it’s pretty nice! Did Anna just slip a little, or was that a move? Bruno calls it “strong, powerful, with a hint of catlike arrogance.” He says Evan worked on his feet, and it paid off. Carrie Ann says Evan is a great example of how working on the technique boosts a performance. Len watched the Viennese crosses (which are the hardest), and says Evan nailed that part. Sounds like more good scores are coming! Evan had to go out of town last week and he’s grateful that “I have a partner who can work with my schedule.” Their technical scores: 9-8-9=26 - and their performance scores are like a broken record: 9-8-9=26. Their total is 52.

Now we get to see what the judges want from the Rumba. Len says it’s a “dance of love.” But how will Pamela Anderson go - romantic or raunchy? Bruno says she has sex in her blood, so if she polishes her technique, “we could be in for a treat.” Chad’s posture is a concern, and he has to remember that he’s not alone with Cheryl, but has to perform for everyone. Nicole & Derek have to watch out, because a Rumba is slow, and they shouldn’t go for the wow factor. Niecy has to watch it because when she has the top line going, her feet fall apart, and when her feet are right, the top falls apart. You can’t be wooden in the Rumba, so Aiden will have to relax. We get to see Dmitri and Kym Johnson (in a bra and panties, and guys’s shirt - if I was into girls, I’d be pretty hepped up right now!) Will demonstrate the moves: Opening Out, Sliding Doors (which I really don’t understand, there are no doors anywhere in sight!) And Spiral Into Rope Spin. At least the Tango moves looked like what they were called! Tom says they showed us “three special moves and 2% body fat.”

Niecy & Louis will begin the Rumba dances. She’s taping a show of Clean House and Louis walks through a mess of a house and says “I’m glad I’m not Niecy.” He declines to stick around and help her clean the place. Louis tells her the Rumba is very romantic, and he wants to dedicate the dance to Niecy, but she’ll have to go back about 17 years in time. He was talking about her brother Michael, who passed away then. I don’t know that that was very nice of Louis, maybe getting her all worked up, but I see his reasoning as he explains that Niecy is working 10-12 hour days and then rehearsing, and keeping her brother in her mind is pulling her through. Niecy says she’s got “an angel (her brother) and some caffeine - I can make it!” (It just hit me - Niecy the comedian and Louis the gay guy are trying to be romantic.....) Niecy does her slow, fast, fall move really well, but it gets ruined by the fabric hanging off her arm and covering her face. The dance is really wonderful, and they seem to pull it off. Niecy looks like she's crying at the end of it (from happiness of a good job or that it’s over?) Len says she had lovely arms and musicality, but he wishes there was more hip action and there were no highlights - “a bit boring.” Bruno thinks Niecy looked like she was in a trance, and above the boos, he says “the hips never happened.” Carrie Ann appreciates the emotional connection but “it didn’t read well in the dance” and said the Sliding Doors were nice. In the Celebraquarium, Niecy says she wanted people to know there was “life on the other side.” Their technical scores are to a chorus of boos: 6-6-6=18. Performance scores are just as bad: 6-6-6=18, for a total of 36. I think Niecy got robbed! (And those makeup people have to take it easy on her eyelashes - it looks like she can barely keep her eyes open!)

Next up are Aiden & barely-clothed Edyta. After last week’s show, Len tells Aiden to “come out and perform.” He wants to find a way to overcome his fear. Edyta tells Aiden “to act like you want to grab me from behind” and not be so “light” about it. They go to a ship where there is an event for fans to meet soap stars. Edyta figures making him dance in front of them will put him under pressure way more than the live show. They’re all yelling for Aiden to take his shirt off and he does and looks very nice doing so! He’s looking good on the dance floor, too - his arm movements look good, and his acting is there. He started great, but seems a little wooden in the middle, but makes a nice recovery toward the end. How nice, Susan Lucci is in the audience cheering him on! Carrie Ann starts with the positives: he’s more comfortable and connected to the performance. But, his movements were coming from his shoulders. Len said he acted out the dance, but there was no flow to it, “it was all stop and start.” He’s not very nice - “Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, you come out and do that.” Bruno liked the “stills” but “when you started dancing, it was like stop motion animation.” He says it didn’t flow. I don’t know what he was watching, it looked good to me! Brooke invites them into the “nice” room and asks Aiden if his fans gave him any advice, and he says they told him to smile more, because he looks moody, like he’s going to kill someone. Their technical scores are pathetic: 5-5-5=15. Edyta appeals for votes. The performance scores are 6-6-6=18, and gives them a 33 for the night, and the audience is booing mightily. Tom asks the judges if they want some orange juice or a candy bar to get their blood sugar up.

Nicole & Derek are going to Rumba next. Nicole is scared about the Rumba, the dance of love, and Derek says “love is scary sometimes.” They’re having problems because they keep laughing as they’re trying to be romantic - which Derek says is because Nicole is trying to cover up the fact that she truly loves him. Len gave it to them last week, saying “Nicole, you’re like a Ferrari, but you can’t drive a Ferrari at 200 miles per hour all the time. You need to find balance.” Before the commercial, we see Jake & Chelsie bumming about being in the Bottom Two and then falling during practice. And then we get to see Tony’s pain again, with Kate whining about her problems. (*rolling eyes* and trying not to throw up) Nicole does a really cool move at the beginning of her dance, spinning as she “falls” into Derek’s arms. You know, it’s really hard to describe some of these moves!) I’m just amazed that she can concentrate on dancing, and not falling out of her dress. Is it me, or does this dance seem a little shorter than the others? Bruno gets to begin, and calls Nicole an “unobtainable object of desire.” He says that there were a few stumbles, and he knows she’s trying to please Len, but he wants a little more sex. Carrie Ann thinks Nicole was nervous tonight, because her ankles were quivering all over the place. She had less hyperextension and overexaggeration so that was good. Len said her balance was correct between the technique and performance but her Sliding Door was overextended. Brooke says “the judges aren’t showing the love tonight.” She gives Derek a dig by saying he was hardly the leading man when Brooke danced with him, and nothing’s changed. Nicole says Derek is a leading man, in his mind. Their technical scores are pretty good: 9-8-8=25. The performance scores: 8-8-9=25, for a total of 50.

Hey! Warren Sapp is in the audience! He was fun.... I wonder if the show invites them back or if the past dancing stars want to come.

Jake & Chelsie
are going to Tango. The judges liked his dance last week but he still ended up in the Bottom Two. He shows up to practice in a t-shirt that says “Turn up, keep up, shut up” and on the back, “trust your pro.” He tells Chelsie that he had a problem letting go and trusting her, but he would do better. He tells her “I can’t do it” and is made to do pushups with Chelsie on his back. He’s having problems with his Viennese Crosses and that’s how they end up on the floor. He looks pretty good - posture is good, hold is good - and they do a great move walking up the steps and walking back down as they spin. But oh no! He seems to turn his ankle and spends a few bars stumbling and trying to keep up. Wow, he was doing so well! Len liked that he attacked the dance and his enthusiasm, saying he attacked the dance, but because of that maybe that’s why he stumbled and it all started to fall apart. Len liked the attitude, though. Bruno said it was very, very, very messy - his posture and footwork were questionable. Carrie Ann thinks he’s still dancing his own dance, even when he’s holding Chelsie - they’re missing the connection. She liked his dance tonight, though - “I thought you were really into it.” (Kate & Tony are backstage, coming up next, and their posing includes Tony blocking her face with their dance posture - looks good to me! Sorry, this woman just irritates me.) Coming back from commercial, Tom mentions that he talked to the judges and they’ve decided that everyone is on edge tonight. We see the technical scores: 6-7-6=19, and their performance scores are 7-6-6=19 for a total of 38. Jake says he thinks he got caught up in the choreography and his shoe slipped, but Chelsie told him to just keep going, and he did.

Kate & Tony are next. Kate says the judges are right, she’s a “true beginning dancer.” Tony feels Kate’s pain, saying that she has stuff in her real life that prevents her from doing it (letting go and dancing). Tony tells her that she’s on the show to prove a point this week - “if you fail, then he wins.” (Oh, man, Tony, don’t listen to her bullshit! Didn’t you ever watch her show? Jon wasn’t a winner by any means but she was a stone cold Bitch!) She’s just giving up, and poor Tony has to put up with her crap. She almost refuses to let Tony teach her because she’s being such a downer. Their Tango is awful - she has no rhythm, no movement aside from walking (the more I watch her, the more I feel sorry for Jon - I have a feeling she was a lump in bed). I will give Tony credit, he choreographed a GREAT move at the end! Bruno thinks Kate is having a mini-breakthrough - “you were actually dancing!” Kate is smiling and for once she looks really good. Bruno tells her not to get carried away - the technique is still bad, but “you’re actually starting to move out there!” Carrie Ann is proud of Kate. She has determination - “but what’s up with the semi lift at the end?” Len compliments Tony, saying that “when you have someone with no dance talent to produce Kate’s best dance so far.” She gets to Brooke and says “wow” and Tony laughs that “Kate is speechless, this is something.” Their technical scores are not any better: 4-5-5=14. For performance, they get 6-6-6=18, and they have a total of 32. So much for Kate’s happy face!

Chad & Cheryl will attempt a romantic Rumba. He thinks the Rumba will show women how good his hips are. “If you can’t cook, as long as you’ve got good hips, you’re all right.” Cheryl is on him about his posture. She says that sometimes it feels like he’s dragging her around the football field. Chad tells Cheryl that he loves her - “is it bad that I love her? After four weeks?” Cheryl hopes that he can “bring it” and shows off the $10,000 diamond ring Chad bought her. Chad looks very sexy in the dance - his hips are moving and his expression is okay, he looks intense at times, and then like he’s not paying attention at others. They end the dance on the higher stage in a pile of something white and fluffy, looks like a circle of feathers. Tom quips that he especially liked that Chad was romancing Cheryl and flirting with Carrie Ann during the dance. Carrie Ann says Chad turned on the heat, and it’s his best dance so far, his hip action was “woop woo.” Len quips “you were looking at Carrie Ann? I thought you were looking at me!” and cracks everyone up. He saw improvement in the posture and performance, and agrees it’s Chad’s best dance. Bruno asks Cheryl “what have you been doing this week?” He says the “hanky” (I think) was smoking tonight. He liked Chad’s lines and fluidity. Brooke asks Chad “what’s up with the ring?” Chad says it’s a thank you for what Cheryl has to endure all those hours. We get a close up and it’s pretty shiny! Technically their scores are okay: 7-6-8=21, and Cheryl is happy about their first 8 of the season. They get 8-7-8=23 for their performance scores, and it’s a total of 44.

Pamela & Damian wrap up the evening and will Rumba. After last week’s show, Len warned her that she needs to refine her dancing, because “the Rumba is a dance for the ballroom and not the bedroom.” She seems to have problems with the slower pace of the dance. Pam says dancing with a man is one of the sexiest things, and she doesn’t have a man in her life right now, so she loves Damien. (My hunny keeps insisting that Pam has been more than friendly with Damien all along). The dance is pretty romantic, and less sexy than it could be - until they get to the end and Pam does some sideways splits. Len said it was understated and that her spiral steps were very good. “For me, a little overdressed” but very good. Bruno offers “Pamela Anderson can offer refinement and elegance and still be drop-dead sexy!” He said it was technically the best dance she’s ever done. Carrie Ann thought there was something very profound happening - but her arms were strange. Tom even gets a hug as they go off and seems quite happy. Brooke asks Pam how it was with intense romance, and Pam tells her “I need intense romance, especially now.” She thinks she and Damien have good chemistry. Their technical scores: 7-8-8=23, and for performance they get 8-7-9=24. Their total is 47. Brooke asks Damien if he knows how jealous every man in America is, and Damien says “yes, and I enjoy every minute of it.”

Seeing the couples as they exit the show, Edyta looks like she’s ready to murder someone. The couples all have a “happy” face plastered on but after the judges spanked most of them, they don’t look really pleased.

The leader board looks like this:

52 - Evan & Anna
50 - Nicole & Derek
47 - Pamela & Damien
44 - Chad & Cheryl
39 - Erin & Maks
38 - Jake & Chelsie
36 - Niecy & Louis
33 - Aiden & Edyta
32 - Kate & Tony

So will Kate finally go home? C’mon, folks, she should, she really sucks at the dancing and her attitude is pretty damn bad too. Save Tony! The other not-so-good dancers can go another week!

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WARNING: Big Brother Spoilers!

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