Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I Survived A Japanese Game Show: Episode 7 - “You got America on your shirt, you owe us one”

Quick Recap: Americans in Japan. Treadmills, Obstacle courses, Tricycles, Sashimi, Mud, Powder puffs, Dressing!

As I look at the credits for one last time I’ve come to contemplate who this “Ben” character is. Oh well, good luck to you.

We’re back at the Majide set and Belinda is going “bananas”. I can tell that Justin is a little scared that Belinda lasted so long. It hits evening and the contestants come back to their house with a letter of congratulations and some champagne. I’m gonna miss Mama-san.

It’s the next morning and everyone is nervous, the producer walks in and tells them to get change. Tony (the real host) tells the contestants that they are all individuals and get new bibs. They are called bibs! Tony also tells us that every game on is an elimination game. Donnell is scared. Meaghan just doesn’t want to lose. Justin is blowing hot air up his bum.


Each contestant is individually entered to applause. Aww, the last animations of monkeys and penguins. It’s Super Serious Time. Everyone is sent out into Tokyo.

The first game of the night is: Making Friends in Japan! Each player has to do five tasks. Draw Mustache. Kiss/Picture, Have someone dress up as Statue of Liberty, Business Card trade, and A three person Wave. They are given book bags and sent out. Donnell has the early lead as he runs out the studio.

Luckily the commercial ended a little earlier than I expected. There is an intense film crew following all of the contestants. Justin tries to use his charm. Donnell uses his “communication” skills. Belinda tries to be nice not an aggressive black woman. Donnell speaks English to a white person and they ignore him. Meaghan says something Japanese to a white person and gets lucky. Justin gets the marker mustache.

Meaghan is trying to get the picture. Justin tries to get a picture, and has a person who wants to kiss him as well. I want to kiss him too. Belinda gets a mustache. Donnell gets a mustache. Meaghan gets more than just a kiss… or she would if she was in the US. Maybe that’s why the rest of the world doesn’t like America. Justin gets a kiss from a boy, and he doesn’t mind. Kinky.

Belinda’s gentleness gets her a picture of a boyfriend kissing her and the girlfriend takes the picture. Donnell gets a kiss from an old person.

Justin and Meaghan are already trying to get the Liberty costume on anyone. Meaghan pushes a guy into tears and he begs for forgiveness. Odd. She then kind of drapes on the outfit on one guy; the man in the suit still in the background. Donnell gets the outfit on a random man. Justin gets it on someone, but he can’t unfold the outfit. The Japanese man stands there awkwardly.

Belinda being nice actually works. I would help her too. Justin isn’t a pervert, but while he struggles Belinda overtakes him. He finally gets the outfit on. Everyone is now struggling for a business card. They are instructed that you bow and then trade. Donnell manages to switch with a random woman. Meaghan gets a card from a young business man. Donnell begs for a wave. Meaghan begs for one. They both do the wave around the same time. They run back quickly. Insert Amazing Race editing here. Meaghan runs into the stage first. Donnell is second and happy with that.

The other two are left. Justin is confused. Belinda finds a business card from a business. Justin finally gets the card. Both do the wave around the same time and run back. Of course it’s Amazing Race editing so that the two look close when they might not have been. Justin makes it third. He proclaims that “I’m a survivor”. Belinda is last, but she is quite grateful. The sayonara boys lift her up and away. She smiles as she exits.

Belinda dances a little sayonara. She actually did quite well this whole game. They give her a little bit of a Velcro walk exit sound as well.

The final three are applauded. The manager in the background says “get ready for the reward”. It turns out that it’s their family. Donnell’s wife is white, I’m a little surprised but I like it. Justin’s girlfriend is here and she’s a little fat, I’m also a little surprised but I like it. Meaghan has her best friend here and she busts out into tears. The host wants a hug and gets one from judge bob. That must mean Belinda goes home with a loved one.

Justin and the girlfriend hug. Donnell explains staying in a hotel with Meaghan, she gets angry, but smiles. Meaghan and friend chill in an empty cafeteria except for a family. She talks about being the last woman standing. Tell that to Nicole.

Tony shows up to all the contestants, and tells important news. The next game is up already. The contestants all have to part their loved ones. Justin is Befuddled. Meaghan makes sure her make-up is okay and then they go. The loved ones are given random sound instrument and sit in the audience. The three Americans are confused by the whole thing but shrug and keep going. So the conversion rate at the moment is 25 Million Yen = $250,000. Donnell has to pay tuition. Justin will wine and dine his girlfriend. Meaghan plays the family card.

Our second game is called Squishy Squishy. Let’s just say there are sponges, running, squishing, and probably falling. Big spiky balls! Everyone does the squishy dance. The contestants are sent back to see their suits. They are huge foamy suits. I think Justin calls his pee-pee a goober. Meaghan shows her sumo thong and calls it ugly. I like the purple, personally.

The obstacle course is quite colorful and shiny. I’m really going to miss the little animations that teach me how to do these games. The contestants are sent out in their fat suits. Judge Bob flipped a coin to see who goes first. Does he have a three-sided coin? Donnell goes first. The other two are at the spikes.

Donnell lays into the pool of blue water. He makes it through without hits and squishes in a constipated fashion. He runs back to soak, gets through with only a light hit from Justin, he lays and squishes his legs. He waddles his way back and soaks again. He’s quite tired but decides that he could only make three trips so he squishes as much as possible. He poops a diamond.

Justin and Meaghan are nervous. Justin is next. Meaghan waddles to the spiky as Justin bounces the judges stomach. As Go hits, Justin drowns and squishes. Justin seems to lose a lot of water, there isn’t much that comes out. Justin still maintains his technique. We learn that he’s 6’2. Meaghan actually lands a hit. Justin makes a good amount the second time. The third time he gets double hit. He squishes as time runs out.

Meaghan, the last woman, is last. Meaghan lays in the pool and takes a little more time. She is more careful than the boys. She squats and squeezes. With two minutes she runs back, she decides to soak mostly the legs. I love those ball-spikes. The judge screams “Squeeze until you die”. She squishes as much as possible.

We bring back the other two for the reveal. Justin is first and surprised Donnell. Donnell reveals next and he gets more than Justin. Meaghan’s tube is revealed and she didn’t make a lot at all. It’s probably because she only made two trips. She is lifted and sayonara-ed away. She is exited in the darkness and waddles in the suit. She definitely gave it her all. She does the Majide gang symbol and walks away. That is officially my new gang symbol.

We got our final two and they play in the morning. The two are brought to the backstage and the two are happy. “Wifey” and girlfriend show up and hug the boys. Sake celebration! Then the two women had to leave. It was enough for the big push to motivate them.

There is the last night at the house. Donnell looking like a pimp. The two look at the skyline from the rooftop and toast. The two are reminiscing about the whole show, Japan, and bringing it on. Then we see ghosts wander the house. Mama-san walks in and she starts to tear up. He hugs her and she tells him that “you’re a good boy”. I really like her as a tertiary character. I hope they learned from her.

Tony greets Mama-san, and actually speaks Japanese to each other. She hugs her boys and they limo away. Tony toasts the two people. I kind of like his hair. Just not the eyebrows. They drive down memory lane. Claws. Mochi Balls. Milk. Justin’s low point was the capsule hotel. They make one stop before they get to the stage.

There are hundreds of fans for Majide and they scream out for him. People want autographs and pictures. Justin takes a picture of himself with a fan (the object not the person) with a picture of him on it. The “wifey” and girlfriend are in the front of the audience. The two are given tickets to go back to Japan. Justin says “air-regato”. The two meet some minister for foreign affairs? Okay. I always wanted to get like a proclamation. Justin says “air-regato” again. They thank the audience, and probably God. They are both appreciative. The two get individual limos for prep love talk. Justin’s girlfriend gives him a lucky cat. The two hug and get nervous and everything stereotypical.

There’s a big crowd and setup crew today. They each talk about bringing it. They stand at the entrance that was the beginning. Flashbacks. Tony opens the door and the two walk in. The two hug and know that even though they are friends, they have to push to win. Mama-san and Tony are in the audience tonight.

Hai Majide!

I love what the host is wearing tonight. I could never get away with it. He brings out Donnell and Justin. It’s show time!

We’re finally at our final game which is called Super Majide! It’s a big conglomerate of 9 former obstacles. Dizzy chairs, trikes, flour, sticky wall, mochi balls, doors, and buzzer! I miss judge bob already. He is really sunshine. They set up the contestants during the “commercial”…. And then go to a real commercial.

There’s no “hanky-panky” tonight because of Judge Bob. We start. The spinning is crazy. I don’t think the technique has changed much for the chairs. It finally stops and the two go for the trike. Justin falls right in. Justin grabs the trike and runs. Donnell falls in and grabs his bike. Justin gets his first egg. His technique is good and Justin finishes before Donnell. The flour pool looks crazy for a not-so-obstacle. Donnell catches up to the sticky wall. Justin makes it to the middle and he falls right down. As Justin struggles, Donnell falls. Justin finally gets the technique and he makes it past. Donnell fires his way in. Donnell & Justin struggle eating Mochi Balls. I’d totally choke. They finish quickly. Justin picks door three and luckily it busts open. He struggles to hit the button.

Justin wins! He looks like he’s gonna choke. In the interviews he looks like he’s gonna cry. The sayonara boys in white lift Justin and celebrate. There are a lot of random shots of Tony and Mama-san; they shake Justin’s hand. He kisses his girlfriend. He bows to Judge Bob. Donnell is disappointed but happy for Justin. It looks like Justin’s chin was bleeding. It probably was mochi. Donnell cries. Justin welts.

The real lesson? Japan is awesome.

As the credits roll, we’re given a sayonara music video from the 9 contestants. Who’s Bob?

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