Wednesday, September 24, 2008

America’s Next Top Model Ep – 5

Previously on Top Model: Makeovers! Crotch cover ups! Deer eyes! Sheena & Clark had like one line.

“Racially Ambiguous” is not really a quote that seems so positive. I have days when I’m racially ambiguous and people try speaking foreign languages to me; and I didn’t like it. But okay. Analeigh is scared of the bottom. Hannah who is questionably racist, tries to snap the girls into shape. Really, you should be talking.

Tyra Mail says some sort of information which Analeigh actually gets right. It’s a Runway Teach. They make sexy bowling shoes? That’s cool. The surface is quite slick, I know. I’ve slipped before making one extra step bowling. I landed on my side. Isis slid, and I don’t feel bad for her. Analeigh walks too slow. I don’t know, I’d be scared. Marjorie walks normally. Hannah waddles, I guess it’s signature. McKey, Lauren, Clarke, and Sheena seem to do fine. Joslyn has enhanced hands, it’s a little drag. Samantha is bow-legged so she has a little bit of walk problem. Elina calmly struts down. She has too much control.

The girls get home and Analeigh, Isis, Sheena, and Hannah go through runway training. Or should I say Hannah asked for help. She really needs it.

Lauren (Brie!) & Clarke are afraid of McKey and Elina. Intimidated and Clark? Didn’t she at week 1 say she could crush everybody? Clarke thinks that Isis is too mannish still. McKey, Isis, and Joslyn talk about Isis’s life. McKey actually says something poignant, “You’re one of us”. Thank you McKey. McKey for the runner up! Because really? Winners don’t do well.

It’s the next day and everyone is strutting up & down the house. The girls are bused to the runway challenge. Jeremy Scott is our designer today and the portfolio is quite interesting. The girls get updos, and McKey looks like a variation of Carol Burnett.

Samantha struggles with lifting her dress. Ms. Jay drops the bomb. Blindfold magazine. Ann Shoket shows up as the judge and tells the prize is an Advertorial, for a 15 year old designer (sweet). Sheena commends her. Jay tells the girls that someone who sucks will be going home. McKey points out that there is limited view, just in case the girls don’t fall. Elina is first and is okay. Analeigh’s walk isn’t too bad. Samantha waves her arms out too badly and then lifts the skirt in pose. Jeremy is pissed. Sheena stomps her way over. Clarke …yeah… Lauren (Brie!) isn’t too bad. Marjorie is a clock. Joslyn toned down the drag. Hannah waddles her way but makes an interesting end pose. Isis did pretty good. McKey somehow works her curtain.

Jay likes Analeigh. Samantha’s arms…ouch. The winner is Joslyn. She goes “Thank You Jesus” Yay God! Jay tells Hannah that she’s going home. It’s a little expected. Her photos weren’t amazing. Joslyn picked Sheena and Isis. Kira is good. I can’t spell her last name. During the photo shoot, all the girls rock the legs.

Tyra Mail. Something about going deep, and going under. Can we just bury half of these girls alive? Marjorie was scared about the competition talking to Analeigh. Analeigh points out everyone who had a bad critique went home.

MLAACV: Whitney bikes around NYC. Yawn.

Another morning shows up with Mr. Jay in really short shorts. The photo shoot is in the house. Or should I say in the water. The test is smiling with the eyes. Nigel is the photographer today. And yes, Analeigh, he is hot in a wetsuit. The girls get insanely interesting pretty makeup. McKey has two poses Deer and squint. Joslyn can’t swim and made her nervous. Clark actually woke up. Jay thinks she was flirting with Nigel. Marjorie has cute Manatee poses. Isis is too nervous about her crotch. Her right eye suffers from sleepy eye. Analeigh is trying her best to bring it, and it isn’t too bad. Sheena channels Crouching Tiger. I love the peacock eyes. Lauren (Brie!) isn’t too bad either. Elina does okay, but she needs to change poses. She got nervous. Samantha isn’t too bad, but got better with the swamp thing poses.

Tyra Mail! Judging Mail. Sheena and Elina talk and Elina points out that she really needed help. Sheena comforts her. Isis calls her godfather and he gives her a pep talk. Dear Isis, Stop wearing those damned hoop earrings.

Top Model In Action: Chantal > Better than Saleisha in pretty much everything.

Tyra’s imitation shot was her drinking from a cup. She reminds us that Hannah is already gone. She reiterates the prizes and judges including Jeremy Scott. Tyra explains the idea came from her chilling her friend Robin.

Sheena is first and the shot is intense. Joslyn, who won the challenge, had a little bit too much white in the eye. Marjorie has a very sexy “wicket” shot. Lauren (Brie) channels a little bit of Amanda cycle 3. Isis looks dead in the shot. Clark’s shot is quite good. McKey’s shot still has the squint and punch in the shot like week 1. Her hand sticks out a little too much though. Elina disappoints. Tyra suggests having a straight shot, because the meat is in the top eye. It’s so weird that she knows these things. I wonder if Tyra ever tells someone, “Oh all the meat is on the top of your eye.” Analeigh’s shot is sexy, in an overall perspective. Samantha’s hands are nice. Jeremy brings the smackdown on Samantha. Ouch. I really don’t think that it was that bad…in comparison to Hannah.

The judges deliberate and everything sounds about the same. Paulina doesn’t like Analeigh. They pointed out Lauren (Brie)’s quite pretty swan hands. Isis needs to stand out. Samantha should get a job as a Truck Stripper.

Tyra calls the first name: Clark. Analeigh. Lauren (Brie!). Sheena. McKey. Marjorie. Joslyn. Elina. (She sank like a stone). Tyra calls Isis & Samantha. Isis isn’t standing out and suffers from Sleepy Eye. Samantha insults designers. Samantha is safe. Poor tranny storyline did’t make it too far. Stop it with the huge hoop earrings. And truthfully, all her shots had sleepy eye. Ooh Double Fadeout.

Next Week: Marjorie is frustrated. And Swamp Thing attacks Models.

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