Wednesday, September 17, 2008

America’s Next Top Model – Episode 4

Last Week: Was Hannah racist? I dunno. Girls held on to a ladder. Sheena used the power of her ass. Nik went home and talked her way out.

Brittany is afraid that she’s “pretty”. Sometimes I really think these girls think that pretty is bad. Analeigh is also nervous. The girls walk into Tyra in their living room. Pizza party! Everyone put on your Tiaras! Tyra hit 20-21 and her booty and boobs got too large. Puberty hit her really late I guess. She had to go from high fashion to American…ahem commercial fashion. Somewhere along the line there was a moral leading to Tyra announcing that it’s makeover time. As Tyra is telling Analeigh what she’s getting, Ms. Jay (as the wicked witch) gives Tyra an apple. She bites it. And goes all Snow White Mr. Jay comes in as prince charming. This is weird. Mr. Jay has never looked so manly. He sweeps her off without telling the girls much.

The next day comes in the Jays tells the girls that the makeovers are going to be a surprise. Like last season. Some freak shows up in a mirror in the corner of my television. Apparently it’s Tyra She tells us what each girl is getting. Marjorie gets died brown, no buzz cut. Joslyn gets wavy long weave. Elina is afraid that she’s gonna look crazy, she’s paranoid; she is hoping for long brown/black hair. Of course she’s not getting that. Samantha is getting a chop. As good witch tyra says, “Elevate”. Samantha looks like every stereotypical model contestant. Especially that one contestant in the second season who cried because she had to dangle. (Who cares about her name?) Hannah gets symmetrical Saleshia like cut. Clark got a chocolate brown. And her after shot looks horrible, all these girls’ after shots are bad. Lauren (Brie!) got the pee-blond, but a little more tasteful than poor Anya got last year. Maybe it’s her skin tone. Sheena got stereotypical Asian girl highlights, and apparently that’s going to make her look less Kimora. All she really had to do is straighten her hair. Analeigh got blonder. Jesus, Analeigh’s after shot looks horrible as well. Elina is scared and you know that it’s going to be nerve wracking when the white girl gets master weavologist. So to become a weaveologist, do you need to get a doctorate?

Elina is “skurd”. Like Sheena, she looks too much like a celebrity (in this case it’s Angelina Jolie). So she’s getting a red weave. Luckily you could take out the weave and she still has the hair underneath. She looks like she has a big Irish afro. Kind of like Cycle 8’s Brit, except that it won’t look like a rat-weave because Elina’s whole head was done. McKey gets black short hair. Isis needed to look less manly so she got straight long hair. Britany gets “edged” out. Long and curly weave. Ms. Jay calls her a trophy wife.

Tyra Mail! The clue was “Working the late shift” which translates to the girls going to Wal-Mart at night. Joslyn is right at home. Sutan welcomes the girls and introduces Nigel’s wife. She reveals Whitney’s picture open-mouthed and all. The challenge is putting on makeup and doing a 30 second commercial. The real challenge? No script. And there is a prize, but I only heard $1000 gift card from Wal-Mart. Hannah was a little country. The first few girls are good, but Analeigh, Britnay, and Marjorie mess up. She says “Wal Greens”. Elina is also bad. The winner is Hannah. She’s just happy to Google herself. I do that already, I don’t need a Cover Girl commercial.

Tyra Mail! Something involving being “suited”. This episode is quite Analeigh and Britney based, I totally forgot that Sheena and Clark are even here. Elina doesn’t like her mother. She even hates her. Brittany calls her “ungrateful”. Elina walks away.

MLAACV: Whitney talks about taking a photograph. In several of her shots, you can see she was looking too high up so she had no pupils. Take note girls, don’t look like a zombie.

Analeigh is practicing poses. Marjorie and Isis tell her not to pout. The girls are brought to a house overlooking the beach. Mr. Jay tells the girls that it’s swimsuit day! Ugh, it would have been so much more interesting if it was the girls in pant-suits on the beach trying to be sexy. He reminds us that Tyra was on Sports Illustrated decades ago. It must be Eons already. Susan Holmes is also there to promote her swimwear. Mr. Jay drops the bomb that its time to go without their training wheels, but they get a little talk time with Jay. Sheena is first and doesn’t seem too bad.

Mr. Jay is talking about strengths with the girls. Seems kinda mean on the editing that Sheena looked like she didn’t get any. Jay probably told her, “Don’t be hoochy.” Joslyn is positive and that’s her strength. Analeigh is on the shore with a big rock and waves. I think that she was a little uncomfortable with the rock. McKey is quite strong no matter what. Hannah looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Clark isn’t too bad today.

Brittany talks to Mr. Jay about how to execute not thinking. She did a few standing shots. Then she did this really bad walk on the beach. As the photographer tells her to walk normally, she would do these bad “I’m taking pictures so I don’t really move” walks. Samantha is looking good. Jay tells Elina to work the hair. Elina’s beauty comes out even past the hair. Marjorie is also quite pretty. I take back the statement about Lauren (Brie!) and her hair. It’s wayyy blonder with the sun touching it. Isis is afraid of having a little bit of crotch nervousness. Isis gets a chair so that she can cross her legs. But you see crotch.

Tyra Mail! Judging time. Sheena actually says something this week and it turns out only being the mail. That means she lasts at least 2 more episodes. Brittany is scared. Isis is nervous.

Judging time, I love how Tyra has to have a one piece. We have our normal judges and Susan Holmes. Tyra calls Sheena “tropical”. Well, she was originally from Hawaii. She smiled with her eyes. Analeigh’s arms are a little out of proportion. Clark dark is better. Her mouth looks too tense. Hannah needed to take off that scarf. Hannah’s film is European. Lauren (Brie!) gets a Caridee comparison. I think that it’s a positive comparison. Brittany is natural in the photo, but it doesn’t impress. McKey is beautiful and it shows. Clear front-runner. Isis is suffering from sleepy eye. Marjorie doesn’t get French music! Samantha looks great. Elina gets a good shot and doesn’t have to worry about tattoos. Joslyn has stereotypical ghetto girl pose. Heyyyyy!

Top Models in Action: Lisa (Cycle 9) has a decent career now. That’s nice to hear after that one episode where she cried through a commercial. Maybe she just picked a career where she wouldn’t have to speak.

The judges contemplate. Sheena is soft. Maybe too soft. Analeigh doesn’t have enough potential. Clark needs posing practice. Lauren (Brie!) lacks some personality I guess. Brittany… Samantha is fierce. Hannah needs to be a little messier. Isis was a little stuck. Marjorie was correctly posed. McKey = pretty. Elina cried and then she brought it, Joslyn looks good but is a little too “mall” in the pose.

Elina is called first this week. She lucks out because she gets a great head shot. Lauren (Brie). Sam. McKey. (Notice that all the closer up shots/head shots were called first?) Sheena. Joslyn. Marjorie. Clark. Isis. Hannah (you think that winning the challenge would put her higher). I think we knew that Analeigh and Britney were gonna be the bottom two from the first 2 minutes of this show. Britnay doesn’t connect. Analeigh has high expectations drilled upon her. Because she Ice Skates? What? Analeigh is safe. She better practice.
Brittany needs to practice European High Fashion. Not that cheesy American fashion. She gets it. But she vows that she’s not gonna fadeaway. Speaking of fadeaways. What? That is the worst group shot ever. And to think I was afraid of Anya’s shot last year.

Next Week: Bowling model walks. A walk elimination. Nice.

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