Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I Survived A Japanese Game Show: Episode 4

Last week we finally saw Darcy get windshield wipered across a huge car window. Okay, that didn’t happen. We realized that Donnell is afraid of girls doing better.

The teams welcome back Meaghan. The yellow penguins apparently bet cookies against Meaghan. Mary sees that the challenges aren’t that exhausting. Yeah, maybe you should get off the couch.

Mama-san greets the team and wants the team to learn Japanese. She teaches Justin “How Much is it?” Are you sure he’s not gay? Cathy is taught, “I’m sorry.” The teams are brought back into the studio. They are given the baby outfits. Donnell sports the bonnet to the side. Meaghan makes it worse and puts her hair in pigtails. Mark becomes “angry baby” and lifts a couch. The teams stretch.

Majide!!!! Extra exclamation points today. Shaking of the tambourines!

The teams are brought out to the laughter of the audience. I guess Meaghan was taught “I love you” and Donnell was taught “I love Japan”

The Challenge: Big Baby Go Boom

So in this challenge the teams are dressed like babies, not modern day, but the type that would be in a cartoon, bonnet and all. They are spun in an oversized crib. The now dizzy teammate will have to climb out of the crib and make their way through an obstacle course carrying two cups filled with milk to pour into a large baby bottle. Falling will ensue. I love the little animation. Even better! Baby Monkey & Baby Penguin! One baby in the yellow team has to be put in the corner. Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Yellow team is up first. Belinda is out of this challenge. Cathy gets out of the spinning first. Cathy is spun around as she gets the milk. Right as she gets itm she spills it. She has to finish the course even if she didn’t have milk. Mark is next. He holds some milk as he spins off of the peppermint patties. Fog attack!. He pours about a little bit of milk. Justin wobbles a little bit, but he clearly is drunk often. I think the Nipple Rings are a clear giveaway. Mark is up again, he slips but maintains a good amount of milk. He couldn’t make it to the bottle before time is up. They are definitely nervous.

Commercials. Do I make funny faces as I gargle? No I tear up badly as the Listerine kills the bad germs.

Baby Green Monkey team is up next. The host tells the audience that he loves watching everyone fall. The green team decides to have an eyes closed technique. Donnell doesn’t do well at all. He goes plop almost as quickly as gets the milk. Did he just clothesline himself? Meaghan is next, she does the balance board correctly but she cant get past the first peppermint. Judge Bob. Still making correct signs in the background. Like a bad Y in the YMCA that your grandmother does during weddings. Meaghan makes about half a thing. Mary survives the peppermints without a lot of spinning. She pours a lot in. One minute to go. Donnell is last. Donnell swoops and no milk. He has to finish the course. Clearly, time is gonna run out. Game over!

They bring the Penguins out. Judge Bob brings out the bottles. He peels the green label off. That’s not a lot. Bob then pulls out the yellow teams label, more than green! Not by much, but moonshine Justin saved the day. The prize? Soba-noodle making day! Losing team? Harvest Clams! Insert double entendre about clams here. That’s three in a row for the teams. Donnell thinks that Mary doesn’t deserve to go in. Meaghan’s “immunity” is on the line. Really? Towel truces? Donnell is really afraid of these women.

Mary wakes up early and looks off into the Japanese skyline. Mary really doesn’t deserve to go. Mama-san makes sure that people have to wear dirty clothes for the green team. Yellow team gets to go the second oldest temple in eastern Japan. The team gets a soba-noodle making lesson. The guy doing the demo does an amazing job. The other team is greeted by old women who are shucking clams. The clams smell, like clams. Insert sexual joke here. Yellow is served the soba-noodles. Cathy is so Staten Island. Meaghan is freaked out by the whole living clams. The tongue licks her I’m sure. Mary is grossed out. Donnell. They bring another bucket out for the team to finish.

The teams are brought back. Mary decides to apparently have one-on-ones with the contestants. Cathy says that “You’re not here to make friends” Drink! The other green teams are up to change and Donnell goes tries to convince Mary to go up against Meaghan. Mary is hesitant and adjusts her glasses. Time is up.

They bring the Green Monkey team out. The girls and Donnell smell like clams. Donnell likes the smell. Insert another sexual joke here. Who is up? Mary & Donnell. Mary is true to her word. Meaghan is sent pack. The two remaining contestants are told to strip and put on chicken heads. Kinky.

The Eliminator: Big Chicken Butt Scramble

The contestants are first tarred and feathered, the tar today is oil. It kind of reminds me of those times I eat chicken wings at Chinese take out and there is that one lone feather stuck in the wing-part. That never stopped me from eating it. Any who, they have to run to their “nest box” and pop eggs with their bums. What? If I was a mother hen, I would guard my eggs. Oh well.

Mary is up first. Did the waiting room change and get darker? Oh well, Mary, who looks like Chicken Little, is lubing herself up. Sexy. Time starts when she starts to slide down. I don’t know how they judge the feathering. Mary is off and she gets a good amount until she hesitates on the 5th egg. She gets a flow with her “tiny” booty. I don’t know how she gets the 9th one. It pops itself. She falls. The eggs would not budge. The oil gets to her. With time running out she edges out a 10th. Haha the host said “Buttocks”. They have to clean up after Mary yolked everywhere. Yeah, she got egg on her face. I must be five today.

Donnell is up next. He greases himself up as the sexy music plays in the background. Slide time, he feather’s himself and Bob okay’s him. Donnell has trouble with the first, but gets a flow going. After the 7th, he gets a bad egg. He finally gets the 8th and 9th. And gets the 10th. With a good amount of time, he gets #11. Donnell wins. Mary is a chicken tender. The Sayonara team comes in to swoop Mary away. Poor girl. If she just broke her word Meaghan would have gone home.

Incredible hulk music plays as Mary walks away. Mary was happy during the whole time. That’s good. They show the last clip of Mary making a food of herself. Nice.

Next week: Return of Velcro suits. Doors, Monkeys, and Pandas with Pom-poms! More commercials that give us too much information! I swear, less sexual references next week. Majide!

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